2020.


Hell, what do I do now?

Say that it's been a year since I started slitting my wrists?

Sure.


Hi, I'm Beau,

I'm 13, FTM transgender. And this month, last year, I started to slowly **** myself. The end. Happy new year.

I can finally call you mine.

But will you do the same?

you act like i’m the bad guy.


but after seeing what you’ve done.


am i really?

shivering
shaking


cold


its cold in my room.


i just want you to be here so i can hug you until i disappear

I love you,

but,

You're too good for me.

I love you.

how much time until you realise how much i ******* love you

jenny this jenny that


when will you love me as much as you love her?

the poems i write are merely a vent.

some lies, some truths.

you never know which one,

neither do i

i’m just scared of falling for you again

for my 6th-grade math teacher.

i've done what im most scared of.

i hate that i feel this way

“do you want to make a safe plan just in case”

“are you hurting yourself”

questions i don’t wanna answer

“i’m just pushing you”

pushed me far too much and the limit has been passed

“do you want me to tell your dad?”

heavens no, i couldn’t even imagine the yelling or possibly hitting that would end up happening behind my perfect family doors

“suicidal thoughts?”

if i told you, you’d tell him.




yes.

ticcing in bed with a sore body is painful.

every position hurts

it’s nothing comfortable


good night

even the name of this place makes me sick to my stomach

maybe that’s why

maybe it was a bad idea getting into a relationship with you


cause now you come off as toxic and i'm being pulled by both sides

13 and Suicidal.

13 and suffering from an undiagnosed tic disorder.

13 and suffering from eating disorders.

13 and suffering from PTSD

13 and suffering from many... many, disorders and illnesses.

Yet,

They don't believe me.

i wanna kiss someone but i dont have anyone to kiss

i wrote you a song.

stop my cereal man

stob eat my cereals in

i cant help you if you wont let me help...

i want to stab myself'

yikes i love you guys and-


i know i wasnt dating them first and that it was a mutual thing


but god.


im catching feelings

i’m fine.

yes im happy with them

yes im scared to hold hands with them

yes i kissed them in the bathroom.

i did things with them that we did.



why won't you get over the fact that im over you?


that i dont want you in my life anymore?

do you want us to take you back?

tell me honestly, do you?

i lay ill for a few days and this is what you do.


we don’t want you back

we never wanted you back


so stop acting like nothing happened.


like you didn’t just crush us like that.


*******.



leave.

I knew these girls and guys,

on an online platform for kids,

named Roblox.

My,

We were the best of friends.

-

A year later,

She tried killing herself.

Sending me messages on

How much she hated me,

How I'm a stupid brat,

and

How I "stole" her boyfriend.

We broke.

I cried.

I blamed myself for her.

And I tried suffocating myself.

Whilst no one stopped me.

******* *******,
thinking you can just come back,

take my spot,

and act like nothing happened.

YOURE A *******

YOU RUINED MY LIFE

I COULDNT GET OVER YOU BECAUSE I STILL LOVED YOU

DONT ACT LIKE YOURE MISS PERFECT


besides,

you’re telling everyone i’m not over you.


news flash, i am.



don’t ever ******* look at me or do that again.


you’re a *******.


stop acting like you didn’t do anything wrong.



that day i lost my girlfriend, now ex, and a best friend.



what happened?


what ******* happened to being best buds like that?



it’s nothing eh?


we’re nothing.



that all meant nothing.



*******, don’t go near me or my friends ever again

our future plans were just like marriage.

why can’t you stop talking about her?

both of you.


it’s none of your business.


she’s hurting.



and you’re spreading lies.

just because you’re dating doesn’t mean you can’t ever just talk to me for a day

your hangouts are just excuses to see your girlfriend and to make everyone else feel like a ****** third wheel

what am i doing with life

stop looking at me when we clearly don’t want you back.

i’m ignoring you for a reason *******

can u bring a hoodie for me on wednesday? k thanks

i wanna die

but you don’t.

so much for double suicide

nice

The stress is hitting me in all directions.

you’re replacing me with a girl you met last year

i guess 8 years makes it easier to replace

i’m here too but whatever

i’m gonna cut myself if i can’t just *******-

stop treating me like a child.

i can be sad if i want,

just because you said you don’t want me to be sad doesn’t mean it’ll be erased from my set of emotions

i really hope you’re doing okay and i wish i could hug you

let me pin you against the wall and see what happens

i don’t think this will work out

do you love me?

Honestly,

I'm a horrible girlfriend.

oh. i’m sorry.

they have a purpose now,

the numbers are there for a reason,

i write nonsense everyday for a reason.