Norelle Ziebell: Poems

Triggered

Norelle Ziebell Jan 2017

The people that raised you want to hurt you
The people you call friends laugh at you
Talking behind your back
You hearing every word
But they don’t care they want you to hear
Poking
Teasing
Slapping
Stabbing
It never seems to stop
You want to end everything to make it go away
Free from pain
Free from suffering
You can’t control what they do
Control is something they have over you
But you found a way to had control
If you don’t eat then you have control
Finally
As weight drops
Your bones become clear and visible to the world
You don’t want to stop
That’s when they start to ask if you're okay
The people that raised you
Your so called friends
They say they are worried about you
But you know it’s fake
They don’t care at all
They never did and they never will
You become this person with great control
But that all comes to a pause when you meet her
You want to get to know her
But you can see the worry in her eyes that is for you
How skinny you have become
And how you have changed
Every day she tries to get you to eat
As you take a bite you can see how happy it is making her
The control you’ve once gained is slowly slipping away
You see what it is doing to your body
You hate it
But you will do it for her
She knows you’re doing it for her
It makes her feel special
She knows yours eating again
But what she doesn’t know is the marks on your ankles
That you have done to yourself
It’s a way of letting the pain go
But she doesn’t see it that way
She sees it that you are hurting yourself
You see how worried this makes her
You need to change
You don’t want to be this person anymore
You tell her so
A smile appears on her face
You will do anything to make her happy
Little do you know
She will do anything
Just to keep you safe

#broken #eating #fake #relationship #change #emotion #hopeless #ana #anorexia #triggered

UNBROKEN

Norelle Ziebell Jan 2017

UNBROKEN

It's not my fault so stop saying that it is
I didn’t choose to be this way
Why would I?
People don’t care either way
All you do is blame me
STOP
I DIDN’T CHOOSE TO BE THIS WAY
What do you see when you look at me?
Fragile blue eyes and a pale face
Delicate arms and frail body
Weak
Powerless
In need of assistance?
I´m not a china doll
I AM ME
Some people are just born this way
I swear I’m a good kid
I just got the short end of the stick
Through my blue eyes and pale face
I´m still a person
Like you and that other guy over there
It doesn't matter how you see me
I´M FINE
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO
I’M NOT BROKEN
I’M ME
STOP TRYING TO FIX ME
I don’t need to be fixed if I am not broken
I’m fine the way I am
I don’t want your help
I DON’T NEED TO BE FIXED
I’M NOT BROKEN
I didn’t choose to be this way
I didn’t choose to have blue eyes
I didn’t choose to have blonde hair
I didn’t choose to be made
These things we have no control of
I’M NOT GONNA STOP BEING ME JUST TO PLEASE YOU
I don’t need to be fixed I’m not a broken toy
If I’m not broken why do you feel the need to fix me
You’ll just break me even more
But is it even possible to be broken even more than I already am?
If I crack my head that can be fixed
If I break my heart that can be fixed
But I choose not to fix them
The pain keeps it alive and stronger
I AM NOT BROKEN
I DON’T NEED TO BE FIXED
I am unbroken
Even if you seem me as cracked or shattered
I am unbroken
I don’t care what you say
I don’t care what you see
I DON’T NEED TO BE FIXED
I’M FINE
I am not a broken toy
My skin is not chipped
My arm is not torn
My eyes are not faded
In order to be left alone, what must I do?
I will fake it just for you
I will fill in my skin
Sew my arm back on
And wipe off my eyes
IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?
NOW THAT I LOOK LIKE YOU
I AM NOT YOUR DRESS UP DOLL
I am not better
And I keep waiting for someone to realize that
And they don't
You think this is the end
But this is just the beginning

#broken #depression #alone #fake #lgbt #unbroken

— The End —