Have I ever compared you to the stars?
Have I ever described your eyes in ways that resemble constellations?
Talk to me about time.
Talk to me about the universe
in all ways that'll I'll never be able to understand.
Spin me around like a clock and take me back in time
to the days when stars shined brighter than these Jozi lights.

We don't have to say a word.
Make no noise, not a peep.
Let silence fill our ears.
Let the quiet take over the earth.
Let us float in this peace,
and enjoy the time we have together.

I know that I have to leave soon
and I know that stars don't burn forever,
but lay with me here on the ground.
We'll count sheep all night until
the sun greets us in the morning letting us now
that the night is dead and gone.

It's not my fault that I fell in love with the world in you.
I see so much life and you
and I think we should stay in this position forevermore.
We will never miss another darting star,
Whirling its way passed us breaking our silence just for a second.

your eyes, made to see the depths of me.
your ears, made to hear the thoughts i keep.
your hands, made to fit my dainty mold.
your lips, made to ******* sweetened soul.

I long to be the place you can put everything they know you need to survive - every secret, solitude, nervous prayer & be certain I'll keep it

you were unstoppable
you were addicted
not addicted to me
but addicted to lying to me

you lied about your story,
your background,
and most importantly
you lied about your feelings.

i woke up one day
just to realize
how every single word
you have ever said
was never true

you didn't mean what you said
and i knew it
And I stayed,
(Convincing myself that maybe,
Maybe you have a morsel of love for me.)
i felt it,
but you kept denying it
you kept saying you were telling the truth

do you even know what the truth is?

i doubt that you are unhappy
i doubt that you are lost
i doubt that you are lonely
i doubt that you are insecure

now i understand
i was just a game
that you kept winning

and now i am the game
you will always lose

is the one pushing you away but never removing their hands from your body

Everything is fine











But I wish I dead.

The only constant in my life is excruciating Anxiety,  
Lost sleep,                            
Loss of appetite,                    
All I ever think is "Why me?"  
I am becoming my own ghost,
And nobody even knows
that I am gone.
Every day is one step in the wrong direction.
Constant over thinking,
& The tightness in my chest is becoming overbearing.
Will I ever be someone that will be worth remembering?  
Will I ever climb out of this grave?
Will I ever live long enough to find out why, Why me?

"Be happy." They say.
I can't.
"At least pretend to be."
Why?
"Because no one likes a sad person."
Oh

I haven't let emotions or thoughts flow out of my system,
I've just been holding **** in
And as a result
I am now emotionally, and mentally clogged
And that's just blocking any progress or productivity of my inner self.
Writing has even become so difficult to accomplish.

I'm so tired that when I bent over the motivation just shot right out of my ***! Now that's tired

No amount of hot water or mild abrasives
could ever rid me off the scuffs you left,
no crudely colored soaps in queer little packaging,
could ever make me feel clean.

Your attempt to invade the deepest part of me.

I may act like its okay,
but silence is the loudest sound.

Hello 911,

It still hurts.

she loved him to death.

Then she came to realization with how toxic he was and instead of falling out of love, she fell harder.
Every passing day she fell a little harder,
a little faster,
a little sadder.
she became anxious,
obsessive,
hurt,
sad.

But one morning she awoke to realize that she in fact
fell
out
of
it.
she loved him. she still does. But she was in love with him until the death of the relationship.
Now she just loves him.
From afar.
From the knowledge.
From the happiness an individual gave her.

-nm

The air in my home
is heavy with my mom's unhappiness. And her exhaustion.
And her sheer dissatisfaction with her life.
And I hate it.
I can be locked up in my room when she's in the kitchen and I feel her despair seeping up through the doors and walls.

As she said to me,
"Have you ever felt suffocated by your own life?
Like life has trapped you in a corner and ******* whatever is left of you?"

No amount of strength that I contain can somehow give her a miniature motive to get back up.

God, this is awful.

my soul is still getting used to sensing hesitation in his words
sometimes i wonder why we can't be together
at first i blamed myself
i always blame myself
but  i've come to a conclusion -
it is in fact my fault
it definitely isn't his
that i am a dreamer living in a reality of nightmares
and that the meanings behind my words are often too dense to comprehend
so his lips and mine can no longer speak common sense
our circles forming awkward edges to avoid overlap
like oil and water and we can never become one

i don't show it, but i need you more than you think.

I'm not an artist but I've opened up galleries with your name painted all over the walls

i am hurting so much

Where were you when he touched me where he shouldn't have?
Where were you when he bruised me from trying to over power me?
Where were you when he hammered the nail on the wall in my back?
Where were you when he painted my face with disgust?
Where were you when he traced his finger prints on my thigh?
Where were you when I needed someone to burst through that door and help me fight him off?
Where were you when I threw myself on my bed, drowning in my pool of tears?
Where were you to tell me it wasn't my fault he felt the need to violate me?
Where were you when he made me feel like I'm not human,
Like I'm an object.
Where were you when I had to protect myself from someone high on testosterone?
Where were you when I had to protect myself from someone 5 times stronger than me?
Where were you when he made me fear stepping out the house?

Where are you when I lose my breath while passing his house?

Where are you on nights like these?
When I can't sleep because I'm terrified that he can walk in at anytime and finish off what he started.

Its not your fault that what happened, happened.
I'm just here, still devastated,
Asking myself where you were when that ******* explored me.

I named my pillow after you

I would love you if I could,

but I swear to God

his hands still glide over

my body in the night.

And his breath

still

warms my neck when I'm alone.