9-2-24   9:07pm

why are mornings
the worst part of the day

when your mind begins to trace
the quiet echoes of their absence

even at night
before drifting to sleep
while lying awake
with your thoughts going
a mile a minute


it's because the crickets remind me
of you
the still air
your books
your scent
your smile
your laugh
your lips

it's 3am and all I can think about is the way you touched me and looked into my eyes as you moved a single strand of hair from my face and told me "don't look at me like that" so I responded, "the eyes never lie"

it's 3am and all I can think about is the way you picked me up to carry me over the puddles in the parking lot because it rained

it's 3am and I can hear your laugh

it's 3am and no one tonight even came close to being better than you. they were all losers. no one looked at me the way you do

it's 3am and I haven't heard from you in over a week

it's 3am, will I ever hear from you

it's 3am, probably not

it's 3am and I feel like a psychopath

some days i hate you and some days i miss you
today i hate you

9-5-2024   9:47pm

one day
i'll see your name
pop up on my screen

one day you'll ask me
"how are you?"
and I'll lie
"doing fantastic"

one day
I'll meet you in the city
we grab drinks
and spend the night together

one day we'll laugh
about
how stupid we were
the night we met


one day you'll regret your decision

one day we try again

one day we'll move on


and one day will be the last
the last of everything
last time we spend time together
last time we kiss
last time we embrace
last time we laugh
or look into each other's eyes
and see what could have been

but not today

9-17-24   9:55pm

in another lifetime, we gave it a second chance and we slow danced in the parking lot. in another lifetime, you were much more tender and gentle by not pushing any limits. in another lifetime, I was able to speak up. but in this lifetime you stopped talking to me after you gave me your favorite books.

days go on
distance heals
and i'm learning to love myself
again