Why didn't you tell me sooner?
Why did you act on my loneliness?
Why would you think that was honesty?
How could you think I would just "move on"?
What made you think this was right?
How could you fake feelings for a whole year?
Why would you hurt me like this?
How could you do this to me again?
When will I ever get answers to this questions?
When will I stop having so many unanswered questions?

"Everything will be fine, you'll see."
"You don't deserve him."
"He's an idiot for treating you that way."
"Don't let him stop you from being yourself."
"Don't waste your time thinking about him."
"Do things that make you happy."
"Thing about the good times you had with him."
"Everything happens for a reason."

Really?
Is that what I'm supposed to do?
Well, thanks for the advice, but it's not really working for me!
I'm sorry, I know you're all just trying to make me feel better.
I'm just not in the mood to hear those cliches right now.
Every single quote is true, but to me, there's nothing but lies.
I can't think of any moment I spent with him, without seeing lies.
The word "love" should never be used, if you don't mean it.
Besides, all I want is for the pain to just leave me alone now.
I'm tired of having my thoughts go back to him all the time.
It's been two nights since I've seen him in my dreams.
I wish I could say I'm happy about that, but I'm not.
There are so many questions that are still left unanswered.
Even when I talked with him on that day, questions were ignored.
How can I trust someone, who lied to me every single day?
There are times when I think I was just too tired to think that day.
That maybe it never happened, and I'll wake up in my bed, happy.
But I know that thinking these things won't make it true.
I know the truth, and it's that he never loved me, but I loved him.
I still love him, though I wish I could forget he ever existed.
He just sits and reads, as if we were never together at all.
How can he act like nothing ever happened between us?
Does he really feel like this whole past year never happened?
Well, he can think whatever he wants, even if I have to bear it.
I just hope I can move on from this, because it's too painful.

What happened to make you decide to end it on our 1 year anniversary?
When did you decide that pretending you loved me was being honest?
Where did you get the impression that you needed to use me once more?
Why did you have to go & hurt me again, the way you said you wouldn't?
How could you think that I would be okay with being led all year long?
What did I do to deserve being treated this way by someone I really love?
When did you think that lying to me was the right way to be truthful?
Where did you learn you could love someone because they're lonely?
Why did you say yes to liking me when someone else said it for you?
How could I not have seen all the signs that proved you didn't love me?
What made me think that what we were actually meant to be together?
When did my mind decide to forgo any doubts that kept surfacing?
Where did you start giving off vibes that I should've picked up on?
Why didn't I see that you were only "going through the motions"?
How could I not see that my mom was totally right about you?
What made you think that lying to me was the right thing to do?
When did you think that I would love to hear that you never cared?
Where did you get the idea that you could keep your feelings inside?
Why did you think that I needed to be lied to for a whole year by you?
How could you just blurt something out on the very day of our 1 year?
What other questions am I supposed to be asking you before I let go?
When will I finally be able to feel the way I did before you came to me?
Where can I find the happiness I had when you told me you loved me?
Why do I need to go through this heartbreak for the second time?
How could you be so heartless, yet seem so sweet and genuine?
What was I thinking when I tried so hard to keep us from breaking up?
When did I imagine us sitting on your porch, for you to hurt me again?
Where was the first sign of you not really being honest of your feelings?
Why do I care so much about you, after you broke my heart and trust?
How can I be friends with someone who doesn't care about me at all?
What makes you think that you can do something so mean and selfish?
When did you think that using my loneliness to fill yours was honesty?
Where did it occur to you that made you didn't care about me at all?
Why would you decide to take a special day, then rip it to shreds?
How am I supposed to forgive you for what you've done to me?
The truth is, I still wish we were together, though it's not right.
I wish that Friday never happened, and that we were still one.
I loved the times we spent together, and can't act like I didn't.
I can't fake how I feel about someone, unlike the way you did.
I can't find it easy to "go through the motions", the way you did.
I don't say I love someone, only because it seems like "they" like it.
You told me love me way before I had the courage to say it back.
You kept telling me to take my time, and earning my trust back.
And the whole time, you were playing me, knowing it was wrong.
Honestly, you should have told Pat that he was wrong about it.
That you didn't really like me, instead of just go with what he said.
I can't believe you used my loneliness in order to fill your own needs.
I know you were lonely, and I'm sorry, but it doesn't make this right.
You still didn't need to lead me on for a whole year, then break me.
I let down my guard, let you all the way in, and this is the thanks I get!
You know what, I wish I could say I'm over you, but I'm not there yet.
You can pretend that we never existed all you want, but I know we did.
I need to accept the fact that I wasted a year of my life, being used.
And I need to come to terms with having my heart broken once again.
I still see you in my dreams, but it's never for good reasons at all.
Since Friday, I keep seeing you, and you could care less about me.
You tell me that you were using me because I needed you, I felt guilt.
You came to my house to ask if I could help you with school, then left.
Tried to make me think that I wanted to be your friend, you didn't care.
All you cared about was school, like on our 1 year anniversary.
You might not care about me, or love me, or anything, but I still do.
I still love you, & it will be a long time before I do, but I will move on.

I feel like I can't get myself back to my normal state.
I come so close, and then get dragged back down.
I'm trying to fight, but I'm losing the battle.
It pulls at me relentlessly, and I can't stop it.
I try to do things that I want to do, but have to rest.
My energy keeps seeping away, after I start to use it.
I love to sing, but it tires me out so easily as of late.
I need to go to school, but it keeps sending me home.
I want to be with my boyfriend, but keep needing to rest.
I'm trying so hard to get back to normal, but I can't.
Why is it so hard to be awake and able to concentrate?
Why do I have to keep going back and forth all the time?
Why do I need to repeat myself to doctors and teachers?
I've been going through this for about three weeks now!
I don't mean to yell, but I just want it to go away.
I need to work on English, but I'm starting to shut down.
I hate feeling like I don't have the energy to get stuff done.
It feels like I may never be able to escape from this Anemia.
Even though, it may be a chronic illness, I still need relief.
All I ask for is some time to feel like my normal self again.
I just want to be able to sing, practice Korean, and do school.
I want to go back to my music lessons, and full school days.
I hate having to confine myself to half days because of this.
It's taking so much effort not to ask to go to the hospital.
I don't know what good that would do, but I hate this.
I just want to know why I keep feeling this way all the time.
I need to find a way out of this fog, and back into normalcy.
Sorry for ranting, but I just needed to get everything out.
It makes me feel better, but now I'm feeling tired once again.
I guess it's time for me to stop and rest for a little while.
But I need to get going with my English work before I can.
This is going to be another rough day, and I need to push.
I'll go now, but before I do, I just have one more thing to say.
If anyone else feels the way I do right now, you're not alone.
I don't know when, but things will change for the better.
And when it does, it will make you feel so much better :)

When people are being loud, but you are not.
When someone is angry, but not at you.
When a voice is raised, but not because of you.
When a teacher gets mad, but not towards you.
When someone is yelling, but not at you.
When there's bumper to bumper traffic, you're fine.
When you want to say something, just say it.
When it comes to all of these things, don't panic.
When none of these things have anything to do with you.
When you have done nothing wrong.
When you are sitting quietly and listening.
When you are just being honest with someone.
When you are seeing a teacher unhappy.
Don't panic.
Most of the time, these actions are not your fault.
If you never speak, then you're really not at fault.
If you are listening and paying attention, you're fine.
Don't panic about things others are doing.
Don't panic when a teacher is mad at other students.
Don't panic when someone is upset at someone else.
Don't panic when people are being loud in class.
Don't panic when you're not doing anything wrong.
Just tell yourself that you are doing what you need to.
Say that you are doing what the teacher wants you to.
You are not the cause of why things are going wrong.
When a teacher says, "Everyone" or "All of you".
They are not literally talking to "All of you".
It's usually just a few people, or one section.
Especially, if they don't look at you when they are mad.
That should tell you that they are not mad at you at all.
When they smile at you when you raise your hand.
When they are willing to hear you say something.
Then it's clear that they were not speaking to you.
When you feel worried about something.
Try not to overthink it.
And most of all.
Don't panic.

This is not about one thing in particular.
Because love is not about one thing.
Love is meant to describe many things.
The way you feel about people and things.
The way you feel about a pet or clothing.
The limit to love is really endless for us.
The blue sky on a sunny and warm day.
Snow glistening the ground on Christmas.
A baby who gets to grow up with you.
A family member who means the world.
A pet you've had for a very long time.
Christmas, Thanksgiving, family time.
Friends you can tell everything to.
A boyfriend/girlfriend to love and hold.
There is no limit to what you can love.
Love is all around you, even in nature.
Flowers in the garden fill us with love.
An outfit given to you by who you love.
Love is something so unique and true.
Always know that there is love in the air.
Sometimes, it might not seem like it.
But don't stop believing in love.
Just believe that love will find it's way.
Because, in the end, love is there, always.

When you wanna feel good, but you feel lousy.
You're usually all smiles, but now you're all frowns.
Being sick is annoying, but even more time consuming.
You have things to do, but you don't have energy to.
The tired feeling doesn't go, it just sits there and waits.
You wanna stay awake, but you're eyes are heavy.
Why can't it just end, leave you alone for a long time?
Why do illnesses think, that you want them around?
Venting helps some, but feeling good would help more.
Wishing is helpful, but it doesn't solve the problem.
All you can do.....
Is wait.