My life is all about
Wanting to be heard
But not saying a ****

Sometimes when I wake up
I am screaming inside
I am screaming because
I can clearly remember my dream
And the dream wasn't perfect
But it was more
Than my life
And I want to scream
And I am fighting tears
And I want to stop existing

You said
That I can tell you anything
You said
That you are always there for me
Well it doesn’t seem like that

The other day
I told you a tiny snippet
Only a little drop in the sea
About my anxieties
About my irrational fears
I wanted to tell you for so long

But I am never going to do it again
Because the face you made when I voiced my feelings
That hurt

Your expression said that I don’t make sense
That I am crazy
That that’s totally ridiculous
That I am making it up

I mean, I can tell you the basic stuff
The everyday problems
But not about my mind
Not about my real reasons to cry
You said you want to hear
But you actually don’t

You know
it would be fine
If I had anyone else
to talk to
But you are aware that I don’t
And you make me think
that no one will ever want to listen.

I've been struggling
For so long
I've been feeling down
Like there was no hope

I haven't been able to sleep tonight
My mind has been so full
Full of thoughts
But this time
After such a long while
They are nice

I had a moment of realization
When I knew I had to write
No matter how bad this poem would turn out
I needed to share
Share that after months of sadness
Today I've had a sudden appearance of happiness

The thing
That I've been wondering about
Is why I am so different
Different when with different people

One day I can be this nice girl
So thoughtful
So loving
So introverted

The other day I cannot recognize myself
I am everything that the nice girl from yesterday despises

So the question is
Who am I?

I felt all that strenght, all the power
Yesterday
Today I feel lonely
Again
I thought I could swim all the oceans
I was ready to do all the needed
To change my life
To change myself
I don’t feel like that anymore

You see, I am brave
I am brave
When the only thing that can be done is thinking
But not with taking action
I am coward
Loser
Nobody
Incapable

I’ve tried fighting
But everyday I feel weaker
Sadder
More alone
Will it stop?
Well, I am the only one who can stop it
And I will
One day
And until then
Loneliness is the only friend

There is this time of a day
Which I am most attracted to
Which I love
Which I enjoy like no other

It’s not the morning
Even though the rising sun is splendid
And the early chilly breeze is the freshest

Not the noon
When the sun is shining the most brightly
And all life is outside and thriving

And not the evening
No, there is something more powerful
Even than the lovely orange-pink sky

It’s the night
When you can fully open your windows
When it is all dark
Expect for the stars
When you are alone with your thoughts
When you can put all the weight from you shoulders down
Be your true self
Throw the masks away
Rest
And enjoy the silence
The night is the time when I feel truly happy