Grief is a liquid
It is the tears in my pillow
Sweating you out into bedsheets
It is sickness in the morning
Whiskey in a mug before breakfast
It is the water I can't drink
It is the storm that kept me awake
The night you called
It is the rain that's followed me since
And the coffee gone cold on my nightstand
Where you left it.

My bones are too hollow
To hold my worth
My body is a chapel
I am begging to crumble
I hold holy water
In my collar bones
As I kneel before a mirror
I am praying to be emptier
Heaven tastes like ice water
I want to meet my maker
In a gown that doesn't fit me
The scale is an altar
I sacrifice my body to
Lord knows I know how to fast,
Am I holier when I'm hungry?

I started drinking on the weekends,
Like you always used to do,
I wonder if I'll drink in the morning,
On Tuesdays and Thursdays too,
I started lying to my partner,
When I go out late at night,
I never own up to my actions,
I'm not afraid to start a fight,
I started missing all your birthday's,
I didn't call you back the other day,
I wanted to tell you I love you,
But I would only be in the way,
Just like you always said to me,
"To be alone wouldn't be so bad"
I'll just keep letting you down,
And be exactly like you, Dad.

I retreat into the quiet world
Where wind sweeps softly
Through fields of poppies
Whispering sedative lullabies
While clouds of cotton roll by
Basking in salted sunshine
Light dances softly in the valley
To the songs of the morning

I blink my eyes open
You're still screaming

I drift back to the quiet world.

How dare you come back
After all these years
Just to see if I'm still here
I tried my best
You left
You ****** up
You took my heart
And left it unrecognizable
How dare you come back
Better than you were
You always knew
That I'd wait
Forever

Today I knew,
My forever was safe,
If anyone can hold it,
It's you.

If I could choose a different life,
I'd have already been living it,
If I could love anyone else,
I'd have left town years ago.