Is it relapse if it's not a drug?
Is it a drug if I have to hide it?

Forever is too long.

What words can I carry when I meet you in the dark,
I have whispered so many nothing's to you under moonlight,
I know not the weight of the truth or the people that hold it,
Writing stories about you so that I don't have to live them out,
It all reminds me of a poem I read 7 years ago that left me empty,
I didn't know I could relate to these terrible, petty horrors,
I became a poet that loves nothing other than not being loved back,
I swear I used to be in pain long before I needed it to just to write.

You only ever call me
To see if I'll still answer.

Of course,
I always will.

I'm cancelling our plans again,
I listened to your playlist,
It was the first time this year,
I felt anything at all,
Happiness,
And then,


Guilt.

I'm addicted to happiness,
I wish it was my own,
I didn't leave,
When he asked me not to,
I only stayed,
Because I didn't want to.

You are everything I hate in the world,
But your smile feels like home.