the feeling of being so terrified of other people's judgements of you that you can't walk in a hallway without a million voices is in your head tearing you down
the feeling of crying while you walk into the cafeteria and seeing that everyone has their place but you never will
the feeling of eating lunch by yourself and feeling like you are  the most hated person in the room
the feeling of knowing no matter how many schools you switch to, the feelings still follow
the feeling of going home to parents who know how to provide for you physically but don't understand why you feel the way you do when everything has been provided for you from the day you were
born
It's like they wrote the formula out and they know the right answer but they keep getting the wrong one
and you're that wrong one
they set the equation right and followed every step, so what could possibly be wrong?

Two rivers flow from my heart:

One famous to the people—
Revered, acknowledged,
Relied upon to renew life
In those strong, able mothers,
Whose water is playful and tame;

The other only known to the
Beasts of the forest—the exiles,
The infidels, the disillusioned
Sinners since birth, and the
Secret prophets who understand
Love and continue to preach it
Across treetops, under skies,
Through minds and closet doors
And kitchen knives and civil[ian] wars.

Bless their souls, those words of peace
Shine brighter than the sun
(Rumored to rise over everyone).
My rivers breathe life within me until
The source depletes, and my heart is still.

Why would I expect anything different this time around,
From the girl who drove my heart into the ground,
And left my sanity nowhere to be found,
With my mind ******* and bound
To the memory of the sound
Of the way her heart pounds.

The faucet's voice was gargled by the water as I washed clean my hands
But the presence of this idiom will never signify an end.
I can only ever wash the guilt, it's temporary even then.