I am not
a statue.

For you to put on a pedestal.

Waiting to break
the minute you drop me.

as day became night
as night became darkness
as darkness became me

I asked death for a kiss
                   and became captivated in her lust.

Through all I've been through
I know my friends will be there
But I have those friends who I know I can't trust
And I know better to say my secrets to them
Because they'd look at me different
Never the same person again
I'm just that person who has got a lot of problems
Who tries to dump them on every person she meets and
Becomes slightly close to
It's a little insulting
But I was never good at keeping a secret and I never will be ever again
My secrets will spill from my mouth in front of those that I love
Someday
It will happen
I wish I was kidding though
Because the thought hurts so much
To the point that some people are becoming as irrelevant as they were
The second we met
I never remember a face
And for that
I apologize
Because every single face is worth remembering
I just forget them as an instinct
Because I am not worthy of such beautiful people
That can carry burdens as heavy as mine
That can smile in free time
Because they're getting along with every person around them
Because they are what I wish to be in so many ways
I want to be funny
I want to be kind
I want to be witty
I want to be special
I want to be tough
I want to be sensitive
I want to be beautiful
And I know that I am
I am all of these things
But I know I am more
More negative
I am rude
I am sarcastic
I am a grudge holder
I am hungry
I am annoying
I am selfish
I am slow
I am not beautiful
And the bad clearly outweighs the good
And that's as sad as my ability to make friends
And my ability to forget that people love me
Because I can't remember what I can't feel
Because I forgot again
And that makes me as ignorant as a stranger to my life

I seem to be getting older
Every ******* day I am alive.
My mind and body growing,
But with that something dies.

There used to be a demon,
Who slept beneath my bed.
I haven't heard him howl in years.
I know that ******'s dead.

I considered myself and artist.
But now I see the flaws.
I had a pink plastic cell phone,
But now it won't make calls.

The world I lived in,
Was mainly gold and white
But my mind won't stop expanding
Now there's no room for light.

And even as I sit here
writing these ******* rhymes.
I feel childish and ignorant,
Now there another piece has died.

Where are the outreaching hands today
Where are the smiling faces
Where are the steady feet and the bright eyes

I dream to dream today
I dare to believe in happiness
I will sing today, one note higher
I will touch hearts and mold memories to be thankful for

Where are the kind words
Where lie the poems of beauty and nature, nurture and soul

I promise light today
A sliver of hope across a sea of dreary stillness
Today, I draw a new breath, fill my lungs with joyful whispers

And your ears are the target

I love you all

Our children go to school everyday
they come home crying
but they won't say...

Emotional abuse her way comes
beaten and broken
converted to crumbs...

Sitting alone in her bed at night
reliving the day
and her terrible plight...

Getting dads razor to ease the pain
it helps but a moment
there's nothing to gain...

Next morning comes with a tear in her eye
all over again
and asking God why...

A quick bus ride to obsidian hell
never to learn
entombed in a shell...

Will it stop, are they better than you?
do they return home
crying and blue...

Do they wear sleeves to cover their scars?
or play video games
and play on monkey bars?

It's not fair, I've done nothing wrong
I try to stay strong
but it doesn't last long...

I want to go to heaven right now
I don't want to be here
I'm a miserable sow...

The razor i use is now dull from my pain
I need something stronger
to lay open my vein...

Mom and Dad, I love you so
I can't take anymore
I really must go...

Give my Brother a hug and a kiss
I can't stop crying
you all I will miss...

Sincerely;
your loving Daughter...