I have this small wound
It’on my left arm
Right above my hand
And it really makes me think
I think of all the things that can come from wounds
Like death
I’ve been thinking a lot about death
Because I don’t know where exactly we go
And it scares me
I end up thinking a whole through my brain
A wound in my head
Full of thoughts
“What will happen when I die?”
I just don’t know
And it hurts
Like a wound
Like a deep wound
Like a really painful wound
Of thoughts

So I had a dream last night
I was at the doctor getting checked out for my nausea
And they did some tests
I found out that I had brain cancer
Specifically brain cancer

The dream switched to me having to tell my friends
They all left me
They didn’t want to deal with me
I had to quit band
And drama
And all my hopes and dreams went to ****
All within the span of a few days

But what’s worse is that when I woke up
I thought I was still sick
I thought it was all real
And I started to cry
My friends texted our group chat
They were all really nice
But when I think about the dream
I can still remember them leaving me
And it makes me want to cry

Before I even had the dream
I would sometimes think
That one day something could happen
And do all of these same things in real life
I would be dying
And they would leave me for real

And now I’m thinking that I could be predicting the future

He is kind, holds me lovingly
His hands are soft against my skin
He whispers kindness in my ears
His words are like honey, sickeningly sweet
He loves me

His hands are rough and strong
Wrapped tightly around my throat
He screams hatred in my face
His words like daggers in my soul
He loves me not

He kisses me gently, apologies on his tongue
His lips draw me in, he is the lion to my lamb
He says he needs me, that he wants me
I want him too
He loves me

His words are slurred and slow
His eyes are bright with rage
He slashes a broken bottle through the air
His hands bruising the skin around my wrist, I cannot escape
He loves me not

He washes the blood from my hair
Massaging my bruised skin
He cries to me for forgiveness
He wants a second chance
He says he loves me

He throws me against the wall
His body pulsating with fury
His words of hate now turn to threats
He is scaring me
He loves me not

I cry within the bathroom
I hear him banging on the door
He is screaming to be let inside
But I’m scared he will hurt me
He loves me

Is this what love is
To be scared in your own home
To tremble at the sound of footsteps
Coming up the stairs
He loves me not

It is not love
Because
He does not love me

When you don't understand yourself
When you start hating yourself
When you compare yourself
You start to deteriorate

When funny comments hurt your heart  
When beauty and wealth matters  
When others opinions weigh you down  
You start to deteriorate  

When impressing others feels important  
When sacrificing your comfort doesn't hurt  
When you forget to live
You start to deteriorate