The vase broke when they said
You left.

Picture me
In a desert
Long from where you are, love
Grains of sand in my shoes
Like him, hurting the soles of my feet
Sun rays beaming on my back
It's the only way I feel warmth anymore
Sweat drips down my collarbone
This is where I belong

Picture me
In your backyard
Long from where you are, love
Thin branches from your tree
Leaves rustling in the gray hued sky
Stars have not emerged yet
Like my mind, blank and dull
Reaching for the spaces between your fingertips
Will I always be alone here?

Picture me
In front of you
Long from where you are, love
I don't exist to you
And how do I make the throbbing go away?
I jump in black holes to be
Stretched out, limb by limb
Just to have
A word
With you.

But you'll never know me, love.

Dear mother,
I still remember the days you would wake up and
Make us pancakes
Dance in daddy's shorts
You were full of life.

I catch scents that remind me of your sweet perfume (Elizabeth Taylor)
And everytime I see a butterfly
I feel your breath
The fragrance of sweet pink roses you left behind,
The curls I have left of you.

I still remember your unchanging love for us
That is now buried 6 feet under my ***** converse
Your relentless worry
Your cell phone number at the top of my head
(I dial it from time to time).

I still feel the void that remained
And how we tried to stay together
After you looked away from the world
Who would've thought that daddy would
Bruise me
Beat me
Touch me
(I'm so sorry you saw that).
Who would've thought brother would muffle my screams
Eat my soul
Lick my tears
(I'm sorry you didn't know).

And there's no real way to end this but
To know I will always miss
The way your lip rolled back when you laughed
Don't worry momma
We are okay
Sometimes
We'll be okay
And we'll meet again
But until then

Happy Mother's Day.

Like a flame
You've burnt out,
Leaving only hot wax that sears my skin.

"Paint me a picture,"
You said
But you destroyed my canvas.

Days pass by
Your sweet smile fades
Disintegrating in the desert wind
My heart grows numb
I am careless

Life goes on without you
Its ok, I tell myself
You were never mine
Its ok, I tell myself
And I drown myself in words
Meaningless scribbles
What is there to write


         After you're gone?

We were at a concert
Music pounding
Our hearts colliding
You were there with me
I felt so secure
So in love
And you held my hands like
You’d never let go
And I was playing with your child
Beautiful blonde boy
His life had your energy of
Love
And you'd never let go
But it was just a dream
Never wanted to wake up again
It was just a dream
And I opened my eyes to this
Sad reality
Of never being in your dreams
Too.