i hold myself closer,

i'll try not to feel smaller,

believe in myself a little longer,

it's only me who'll make it better.

one: i love the sun and light and the smell of dewy grass. i've lost my taste for the dark.
two: my love for the darkness has turned into but a simple appreciation for i cannot love something where i know monsters lurk.
three: you are one of those lurking monsters.
four: i'd rather get high than hear you speak. the burn of the smoke as it chases and then caresses my lungs and the heavy exhale that follows is the only conversation i need because drug consumption is more important to me than my life being consumed by you.
five: i love myself now.
six: i do not need danger like i did when i was a juvenile. danger is an art i have never perfected.
seven: you never loved me.
eight: i learned long ago that the purple tulips you planted under my skin were not your way of saying i love you but they were instead your way of proving your dominance.
nine: i do not like being dominated.
five: i love myself now.
five: i love myself now.
five: i love myself now.
seven: you never loved me.
ten: you lurk in the shadows in my room. even though i do not want to be with you now you stay with me but that's not any different considering you never cared what i wanted.
five: i love myself now.

its so sad,
how we lose the sparkle in our eyes,
the fire in our soul,
and the passion in our heart,
just to keep someone else's alive.

I love seeing you in colors.

You don't notice me at all. You've never noticed me. Heck, you probably don't know me. But I know you, and I know that I love seeing you in colors.

You were wearing yellow the first time I saw you. The sun was hot and shining in the sky, and you were leaning against the brick wall our school, your shirt standing out against the the dull brown background. I especially loved how the yellow complimented your green eyes, how it made them seem brighter, livelier.

When it rains, I find that you wear blue. Every single time. I imagine you are friends with the weather gods and coordinate with the rain so that you can wear something blue. It's endearing, seeing you fiddle the blue buttons of your blue shirt as you gaze outside, then softly closing your eyes as you listen to the pitter patter of the rain.

When someone from school died you didn't wear black. Instead, you wore red. More than half of the school wore black that day but you wore red. It made your skin shine, and your lips looked even more red. I heard someone ask why you wore red and you answered it was the dead's favorite color. You were always beautiful, especially inside, and I loved that.

You look so good in color. The world could go dark but I bet you'd shine. It doesn't matter what color you were wearing, it will always look good on you. To top it off, you were also kind, gentle, loving. You have a beautiful soul, so beautiful. Maybe that's why all colors look good on you, because they're reflecting your kind heart.

Soon, I found that it didn't matter to me what color you were wearing. Because out of all colors, the brightest and most beautiful was you.

my soul has ached for something warm,
something that would fill the void inside me,
but you never filled that void.
because you did more than that,
you created galaxies in me,
you filled me with stars,
a whole new universe,
where it's just you and me.

i have loved you even before time has started,
even before a single thing existed,
i have always been in love with you,
perhaps it's because we're from the same stars,
the very same ones who fell in love with each other.