I'm afraid of being the center of attention,
I fear the pale spotlight,
The coldness of the stage,
The rhythmic applause...echoing,
I fear being examined,
Maybe because I have been scrutinized before,
Not by a doctor or a lover,
No, not by any of those,
But by my creators,
The ones who promised to love me,
UNCONDITIONALLY,
Until now,
Until nine months ago,
Until that call,
The call that stopped my heartbeat,
Induced me in a dangerous ride,
The call that told you the truth,
About me,
About her,
About you,
Maybe you already knew it,
You saw it coming,
Right then,
When you held the phone to your ear,
With its broken screen,
In speaker mode,
Right then,
I was hit by the light above the stage,
And, just then...
It all came to me,
Full circle.

Sadness the crow held to the thinnest branch of a tree,
Vigilant, the bird saw me and said "hello" with a song,
I had no words, for I was cold and felt a large lump in my throat,
I walked the park in search for a green bench,
And there he was, I knew him,
It was Mr. Pain, "oh, dear friend!"
He embraced me and wrapped me in a paternal hug,
"Long time no see!"
Pain and I were long lost friends,
Our friendship sparked when I was fifteen,
He would visit me in the afternoon,
He was there for me when my mom was away,
Pain, "oh, how I've missed you, old friend!"
His eyes were darker than I remembered,
Two black holes placed on a disfigured face,
"I want to introduce you to my beautiful crow," he said,
As he caressed the head of the bird, he uttered the name of his pet, "Sadness, that's it!"
We spent the afternoon catching up,
Just like the old days.

I know this isn't what you envisioned,
You feel like you've been driving for too long,
Under a blizzard, the heavy snow,
The windshield,
Nothing more than ice,
It's an infinite road,
You're just driving home,
And it's your birthday,
I know,
You just want to come home.

Estoy pensando en exceso,
Creo que me va a matar,
Quisiera matar el pensamiento,
Espantarlo,
Asustarlo,
Solo por un minuto de soledad.

Despierto, duermo, despierto,
Un ciclo infinito,
Mis brazos enlazados,
Envueltos,
Mordidos por sábanas blancas,
Frazadas azules,
Mis propias piernas,
Soportan mi peso.

Boca abajo…
Duermo,
Me despierto,
Me arrepiento,
No conozco la razón,
Mucho menos el razonamiento terco,
Que me ha llevado a dormir en esta posición,
Protección,
Podría ser,
Pero ¿qué harán unos brazos débiles y unas piernas desnutridas?
Solo la muerte podría venir en defensa de un esqueleto.

~THERAPY~
I sit on an aging sofa,
Facing an old-fashioned clock on the wall,
It's finally 3:00,
My therapist sits on a leather chair,
Looks down at her notes,
As if her scribbles had any relevance to my problems,
"Well, how's home?"
I answer the same questions,
"You have plans for the holidays, right?"
I lie,
I smile,
I try to be funny,
That's all I can do.

Truth is,
I've been bouncing from home to home,
My parents and their respective partners hate me,
"I got a teaching job,"
I don't know if I signed the contract because I love children,
Or because I needed to get a place of my own,
My last meal was a day ago, 10am to be exact,
Well,
"How's home?"
Is this a trick question?