Have you known the winter days?
Late February falls like frigid snow
Merciless undertow
Of evergreen and alpenglow
And grey ground pavement walking
Like Grocery shopping
and weak chai tea
Moonlengths from all family
And surrounded like strawbury temptation,
Late night lamp light contemplation
And drowsy-dampened mornings
Grey glaze of diluted boring
Spattered over every orifice
Charcoal eyes, platonic kiss.
Pull your bow to shoot and miss
Tell me all this is is what it is
And I will tell you, “okay”
(but you know this isn’t what I wanted)

Hide the roadsigns
Blur the guidelines
This is how I love you

Have you known the winter days?
Late February fell like fire on hell
And shook me from my sleep
Ashes cover snow-banked heaps of rubble
I slice my wrist on the sharpened stubble
Of your half-assed beard
(this is how I bleed my dear)
This is how I bear my soul
******* smile
And dominoes
Carnation cults
And buried bones
(This is how I build your throne)

Hide the gravestones
Burn the rainbows
This is how I love you.

And have you known the winter days?
Late February fallen like Lucifer to the underworld
We both knew I wasn’t altogether that typeof girl
But we pretended anyways
Alcoholic halo haze
And foreign intervention
Of somewhat insidious intention
And the legitimate logistical question
That defined our discourse on fear
(this is how I think my dear)
This is how I speak my mind
All that grey
Those missing roadsigns
Smoke and soot and
Blurry guidelines
And Gravestones gone
And rainbows ash
(and we are never coming back)

This.
This is how I love you.

Because of you,
I yearn for any touch that can wipe yours out of my pours.
Your sickly sweet words impale my mind, already rot with uncertainty.
Because of you,
Lucy, Molly, and that sassy ***** are my best friends.
Who needs people when you can just get high instead?
Because of you,
I can't walk down the street without shuddering at the thought
of seeing you
just
around
the corner.
Because of you,
I tried to **** myself.
Just to rid your face from the inside of my eyelids,
and pull each syllable of your voice from my eardrums.
I wanted to badly to let the wheel roll to the left
And my momentum carry me over the cliff side.
But yet,
Here I am today.
Because of you,
I can't be free
Because of you,
I can't be whole.

He was flying
midair like a bird on its
first glide
his wings about
to break
from the current that wanted
to stop him
a sweet sensation in his mouth
about to roll him over,
freedom enslaving his body
Alas!
He went back to the earth
to the ground
to reality so atrocious
only this time with a heartbreaking crash
and crash and crash
and blood and bones separating
soft flesh pulped
muffled voices, shocked riffs hanging
like his vision
his life, his story!

*Oh but that was to be the end of him...

the  death of a bold quest for meaning

an ignition far more vivid
than a nuclear bomb
is how it all began

a war between two great kings
heart and mind
feelings and knowledge

both undefeatable,
mutually assured destruction for both

& with everything destroyed,
I love you with the survived debris of my heart.