My thoughts are in a state of anarchy
And they crash into your words.
And remember.
And forget.
And do not know what's worse.

Remembering is bitter sweet-
Never to be, always been.
To forget is to cut out all the words
etched into my skin.

And I fall into this silence,
Indecision is my curse.
I remember.
And forget.
And do not know what's worse.

I am greed, want.
She is need, lack.

I am anger and frustration.
She is hope, tenacity.

She is yellow
amidst the grey that I'm become.

But I am success, money.
And she is poverty, dust.

Your silence is killing.
What are you trying to say?

I scream into you
to fill up the space.

But your eternally furrowed brow
tells me I'm in the wrong.

And I stand there-
trying to make amends with a statue of a boy.

You're all the company I would keep,
If choosing were a choice.
If oceans were dams, and miles were feet,
and I could hear your voice.

Our fatal flaw will always be
In my loneliest moments -
You are asleep.

I hear echoes of you
                     in everyone else
                     and everyone else
Can hear them in me.

But you're untouchable,
and though your eyes speak differently;
the invitation is imagined,
the closeness; mere proximity.

I had no instruction,
and no intention to adhere.

You prodded, pulled and pushed
my precautions aside,
passively dealing every blow.
But I couldn't even wound your pride;
You are untouchable.

You are the thing
Which is not a thing-
Yet the only thing that is.
And I - a tiny thunderstorm -
with no regard for this.

You are the man
Who is not a man,
And the only one who is.
And I - an angry child -
I am oblivious.

                                                          Without you I am nothing,
                                                          and still I continue to run;
                                                          wreaking havoc as I go.
                                                          Bruising everyone.
                                                          At times it would seem
                                                          I am determined to be nothing.
You are the friend
Who is not a friend,
But the only friend that is.
And I - a tired fugitive -
Undesperate to resist.