i swear to god, you are out to get me.
every time you smile; it boils me to the point
where i have to look away because it's so frickin' beautiful
that it starts to hurt my heart.
- a.c

i really want to hug,
and cuddle,
and laugh together
and just kiss you to the point where i won't be able to breath
but you are in love with another girl who is perfect in your eyes
and i'm just here, waiting for you to love me too.
but i'm done; done waiting for you to tell me when it's time.
i still love you, i do.
but i'm done.
- a.c

But see, I love you
While you love somebody else
Why do I still try?

I tasted ***** for the first time
Hidden in the back of the freezer
At first, it was sour
But the more I drank
The better it tasted
And my problems seemed to melt
I liked that feeling
So I drank more and more
Until things blurred together
And my problems were
Forgotten

If you only knew
How often you cross my mind
And why I reply so quickly
To your text messages
If you only knew
That you're the reason I cry
At 2:00 am when no one is watching
And how I write so many poems about you

Am I even alive?
I cannot cry
I cannot breathe
When I was little I danced
And I sang and I laughed
And I didn't look at boys
Because they had cooties
But now I cannot move
And I cannot speak
And I can't look at anybody
Am I even alive?

Remember that day
When we picked dandelions
And my wish was you

She was the most amazing girl
We understood eachother
But I never got to hold her hand
I never got to kiss her forehead
I never got to tell her I love her
She's dead now, I killed her
I don't know how, or why
It's always my fault though
And so she's gone
DEADDEADDEAD
She used to be the only thing
That made me smile
Until I got that text
And then, I never heard from her
Where did she go?
Is she in the Heavens?
With a god I don't believe in
Looking down at someone else
And not knowing how guilty
I am for killing her

I shuffle my way into the kitchen,
suicidal thoughts running through my head
"you're worthless"
"you're stupid"
"you're ugly"
Thats the only thing I hear.

I grab the sharpest blade from the drawer
slit  slit  slit
It hurts
but at the same time
it feels amazing.
I need to stop
but I can't.
drip  drip  drip
My blood splatters onto the floor,
with every cut
more and more blood
trickles down.
This is so relieving.
The knife is cutting out every insult,
abolishing all of my glitches.
all of my failures are replaced with integrity.
I feel as if I were new.

With this knife,
I'm going to carve a better me.