Maybe she's not as confident
As she thought she was

thank you kyler, you were my first
right in the back seat of your car
first in front of my house at two am
and then later in a grocery store parking lot a few blocks down
with foggy windows and clothes that took a while to find again
I only told you I loved you when you ****** inside of me
with new car smell and broken condoms.
You pinned me up against your car
in the parking lot of stadium thrift way.
baptized my neck with hickeys after I cried about issues with my dad.
I broke your heart I guess
i'm not that sorry

thank you Donald, I fell for you
sneaking over to your house
or up to my bedroom
or on every couch in my living room
even in a public park
the first time we kissed, we stood in my empty living room. you made fun of me for standing on my toes.
I fed you leftover Thai food as we snuck kisses in the kitchen and then crawled out on the porch.
I sat in your lap. you put your hand between my legs.
you felt more experienced and more apathetic, making me feel small and childish
you thought you had taken my virginity, but you had just taken an old phone charger and a yellow hat
you told me through a text
'I just don't see where this is going'

thank you Cassius, with shocking white hair.
infatuation isn't a word strong enough.
'don't u know vandalism is illegal?' id say.
you hid a smile when you caught my eyes in the back of jacob's show
you'd say 'what can I give u for a cigarette?
a lighter, 50 cents, or a kiss?'
we almost did it in the back of your friends car
with your **** out, your friends came back in and we threw a coat over your lap
sneaking into a construction site, I sat on a dusty shelf and you ****** me
I left my scrunchie on the ground in there, and you pulled out and came on it
I never got it back
you said once 'I'm always sad, and whenever Im happy
I just get more sad'
sneaking into your bathroom
turning the shower on
pushing me up against a wall
I liked the way you held my hands
and wrapped me in your arms.
sneaking my fingers into yours and you responded eagerly.
out of breath, you'd say 'I need a cigarette'

The Words that were Lovingly Penned
Met with a Razor edged Knife in the End
Letters Scattered Askew, unable to defend

Red Slashes across the Body Slowly Bleed
Broken pieces of Sentences all Strewn indeed
That Final Feeling You have Surrendered

God I hate having meetings with the editor...JMF 2/14/15

from out of my thinking, is something
on the tip of my tongue, its clinging
was it this, was it that, this thing I begat
kept wandering' in mental wondering
lurking in the jumble of mind and memories
Ideas pop by the thought that is shy
lost in a mist, like it wants to resist
un-brought to this verse, sighs
the thought has dispersed...JMF 2/16/15

This is a poem......
you don't have to read.
You're busy at home
watching Cable TV.
On Twitter or Facebook,
reading all the minuta
that comes down the feed.
My words may be little,
my words may be small.
But, each and every one
of them, I own them all.
Some will take time,
and others will pass by.
These words will be mine,
till the day that I die.....JMF 2/19/15