i hear the clock go
tick
tick
tick
over and over again
as if there's a ticking
time bomb
in my brain
and its going to go off any second
and i don't mean it's going to
go off
with fits of rage and aggression
i mean it's going to go off with fits of
anxiety
and
depression
and i don't know why i can't help it

no i don't know why i can't help it
and go on with my life
but it's just that i've never been able to help things i can
feel
but don't
understand
and it's quite the predicament
no it makes so
little sense
when you spend a week
getting better
and then the next week
getting worse
and you're back to square one
but every time you go back there
it gets even more and more
difficult
to advance
and i wish i could say that i've passed go
and collected what's rightfully mine
but honey i haven't passed go in years
cause who knew that all life has is a deck full of
trap cards
and i have nothing to defend myself with
i'm like a little kid
that only plays the games someone else invents.

a lot of people say you create your own happiness
but i think that's *******
cause i've wasted my life trying to
create
something i wasn't born with
and i wish i could say that i've
helped
myself
in moments that mattered most
and i wish i could say my friends did too
but it's just that i'm the kind of person that cant seem
to tell my friends about half the stupid things i do

cause no one wants to hear about death
unless it's in a suicide note
and i've never gotten that far
but i sure as hell have come close.