ive been your ghost
i hope you realize
seven more days
of my averted gazes
and it's the end of an era
you're not home anymore
so i'm lost
in seven days
i don't have to let it in
let you walk by
as if your posture didn't falter mine
and your presence didn't weaken me
and i don't have to pretend
like you weren't still alive
in everything i touch
oh, mind
don't let a face deface my heart
let silver cars follow me to california
and keep my eyes on the road

You came like a wind
the one that breeze strangely
yet--
everytime it hits
will give me shivery
to my cranky bones and arteries.

You came at the dawn
by the time I was about to--
unleash the veil
that block the lights of its sun
that I refuse of its ray.

Because--

As time passes by,
the wind and its nature
sometimes makes the catastrophe and agony blew away
yet some other times
it remains
or even weighten it deeper.

Spectacular is the image of self defeat
When everything around me shines so brightly
The only thing I can see is darkness seeping out of every beam
I want to scream at the top of my lungs
But how can I make a sound when I can't even breathe?
There's no conclusion to the bottomless pit of this scene
The only thing I can see is my vulnerability being used against me
When everything around me has been built upon lies and secrecy
Spectacular is the image of self defeat.

The truth is bleeding out of my pores
And yet the feelings are all bottled up inside
I fall out of my skin, disappearing out the back door
Losing my mind, struggling to find the best place to hide
Running laps around the sounds of my own screams
Trying to decide which dreams I should or should not believe
Thinking that my life is no more than it seems
And these struggles I have are sent by the devil to deceive
It works; the lies, the hate, the pain that I'm put through
It makes me break down and I get scared of the truth
But the suicidal thoughts in my mind all lead back to you
And the tears that stream down my cheeks burn like a fire
That's bigger than all the flames of rage from my youth
It hurts; it builds in my soul before it pours out my eyes
Becoming rivers that flood my life with disguises and lies
I don't know how to make it all fade away, to disappear
Because it's more than I can handle and I hate to admit it
But it fuels my spirit and awakens all my childhood fears
Chilling me to my core, causing me to give up, simply quit
How do I do that? How do I commit myself to suicide?
Is that what I really want? Is that truly what I need?
Do I believe that my life is only my choice to decide?
And if I hide in the corners of my mind, will I still bleed?
These are the things I ask myself every morning when I wake up
As I stare at all the sugar settled at the bottom of my coffee cup
Then the caffeine hits me and I finally start to think clearly
What was I thinking? There is no way in hell I'll ever give up