most days i sleep my mornings away
sleep the deep feeling of my pain away  
running away from my depression into the comfort of nothingness
no sweet dreams
no beautiful nightmares
just a wide oblivion  
but today.. this morning
I woke to a wonderful sunrise and pain so strong
everything I've kept suppressed
I felt every ounce of pain shooting throughout my body
through every nerve  
I felt like i was drowning
imagine three hundred pounds of held back emotions.. no longer just pain
Throw me into the ocean
sinking
suffocating
swarming me
i can't breathe anymore

Love is nothing new to me
in fact it's getting old
the more I play this hide and seek
the further apart we grow
As Cupids face starts to decay
to a pale shade of grey
getting weaker with his aim
For his arrow to mark my way.

life constantly being faced with false pretenses of emotions
is it crush or are you just lonely and in a rush
do you really like her or do you like the idea of her
the idea of love
that someone can love you,
it gives you this high that you simply can't deny
but you see the hidden cause of her being oh so vain
see a path full of pain,
see the growth of her insecurity
how she was left with so much passion but no sense compassion
some say she will bring herself down in flames
but would it not be a fire so beautiful, that they themselves will be drawn in because she is the devils spawn, she brings you to sin but every time she knocks, you can't help but let her in
because those nights where you felt so hallow inside,
she was there
when she isn't there all your thoughts sound the same,
your mind is only ever running in circles
you're desperately trying to rake up all the thoughts that are sharp and loud far into the back of your mind
then you wait..
wait for them to become something
less,
less then a murmur
before you gain the urge, to pick up the pen and give your thoughts life
but ha.
you won't because it scares you more than life itself
giving her life again
after trying to destroy her
she can never love you again
your muse
why must inspiration manifests itself
in a female form, igniting creativity
she is a flame inside you
flickering,
teasing,
caressing,
smoldering.
teetering on the edge of imagination.
and you are a painter
decorating canvases with words
of her
your words are endless
knowing no bounds
she is your cruel inspiration
she is the fuel that keeps you feeling
the smile on your face
the pain in your heart
the hello that never comes
the inevitable goodbye

Have you ever taken the time to sit back & think about life? The ups and downs, the struggle, the pain. The heartache & despair  
Have you ever laid in the grass and looked up...Thinking...how beautiful the night sky & if there was a place for you out there in the stars.
Have you ever felt abandoned? Like there's no one there to listen to you. No one to help you. No one to comfort you when you're in pain. No one to talk to. Or no one that understands you.
Have you ever felt trapped in your own mind? That the troubles in your life bother you even in your sleep & you can't seem to escape from them.
Have you ever lost someone special to you? Someone who you needed & thought that "if only they were here, my life would be easier."
Have you ever felt so drained, emotionally & spiritually? Like nothing seems to go your way. And it feels like even God has deserted you.
Have you ever felt so stressed that you drop everything & isolate yourself trying to escape your problems?
Have you ever broke down, because you tried to hold so much in & the gravity of your own thoughts start to weigh you down?
Have you ever..burst out in rage, not because you're angry but because there's so much held inside you?
Have you ever been asked "what's wrong?" But there's so much wrong that you don't know where to begin........Have you ever?