i will never forget
the long days of soccer
the sleepless nights of homework
the authentic conversations
the laughs we shared;

i will never forget
how you were more than a friend
how you never knew my true feelings
how we almost lost all we had and
how we miraculously saved that which was of value;

i will never forget
the adventures we embarked on
the memories we recorded
the genuine joy of being around you
the day my heart chose friendship;

i will never forget you,
my yellow cleated friend.

everytime i think of you
i have to remind myself
that your feelings for me are
nonexistent.
it's easier said than done,
but i know i need to let go
and maybe someday you'll be
persistent.

in my eyes i see and feel success
but in her eyes failure is all it adds up to be,
the world nods their heads in agreement
their judgments crushing the life from me.

not enough to be an A student
not enough to volunteer with kids,
not enough to graduate salutatorian
not enough to be musically gifted.

not enough to play soccer collegiately
not enough to be modest in my fashion,
not enough to be oldest child and organized
not enough to be committed to my passions.

not enough to follow my heart
not enough to pursue my dreams,
not enough to be a Christ follower
not enough it will always seem.

my heart beating
beating for Your voice
Your voice flowing
flows like a river
a rushing river
rushes into my soul
my soul overwhelmed
overwhelmed by Your love
an endless love
endlessly it chases
chases after my heart
my heart has fallen
fallen for my King
my King who reigns
reigns above the heavens and earth
the heavens and earth which He
He created in glory
glory belongs
belongs to the Creator
Creator of all
and all is what He wants
He wants from me
my everything
and everything will one day
one day bow down
bow down before the throne
the throne of my Father
a Father who outlasts
outlasts all ages
for all ages He is the rock
the rock who never fails
failure may come
come to me
i may be weak
in weakness He is stronger
His strength makes me stand
and i stand in awe
awe of who You are
and who You are is good.

last night-
our eyes met across the room
and I couldn't help but think,
that maybe we have a chance.
can I just assume
that you won't let me sink,
and together we will dance...
forever.

yesterday,
in a rush to get to school,
i ripped my
blue and white shirt
off it's hanger
without a thought of you.

later,
i glanced in the mirror
and found
small white spots
hardened and scattered
on the sleeves.

i washed them out
and ran off to school.

it wasn't until
spanish class
that i realized the spots were from
you,
from that frosting fight
we had so long ago.

and so,
i smiled to myself
at the happy memory
from happy times
of baking cakes
and frosting fights.

it comes-
from deep in your heart
from the depths of your soul
from every hidden corner of your mind.
it's communicated through-
the words you say
the tone you speak with
the light in your eyes
the genuine expression.
it holds a power-
to make a difference
to change lives
to become joyful yourself.
isn't the same as being nice-
it goes above and beyond
it endures hardships
it says, '"i care"
it is authentic.

not always easy,
but definitely worth it.
kindness is a gift.

no matter how much you try to let go,
or try to change your mind,
the heart will always win,
every single time.

and he fell for her-

a shorter girl with shorter hair,
with an angelic voice that can't be compared,
a girl that's skinnier and older too,
with eyes like an ocean blue.
maybe she has a better style,
but he's only known her a little while,
and maybe he sees in each day,
how she's beautiful in every way.
now my broken heart must try to mend,
because i'll only ever be the best friend.

even when i fail You day after day
your love remains, it stays the same
i could never escape your plan
'cause you're holding me in the palm of your hand;

i will praise You day after day
'cause your love remains, You stay the same
i'll forever follow your plan
'cause you're holding me in the palm of your hand.

you'll never know how my heart melted,
you'll never know the thoughts that raced through my mind at 100 mph,
you'll never know that i long for more than best friends.
i know you were only trying to get my attention,
that's the only reason,
you didn't actually mean anything.
or did you?

to trade confusion for clarity
to pursue the perfect degree
to marry the man of my dreams
to leave the place i’ve always called home
to travel the world and see it’s wonders
to explore beaches i’ve never laid eyes upon
to go on a wildlife safari
to build an international orphanage from the ground up
to study in the holy lands
to be fluent in a foreign language
to adventure through cities i’ve never heard of
to live freely by detaching from the world
to care for those less fortunate than me
to see revival in unchurched people groups
to excel in my dream job
to know what my dream job would be
to live without limits and constraints
to never feel exhausted or weary
to lead broken people to restoration
to be part of something greater than myself
to love generously
to know my purpose

my constant corner
is at the back
on the elevated platform
next to the drums
where there is just enough room for
the drummer
and the bassist.
where there is just enough room for
the drummer
and me.

your normal nook
is at the front
of the regular stage
between the keys and electric
where there is plenty of space for
the vocalists and
the guitarists.
where there is plenty of space for
you.

it's as if we're separated
by a musical fence
we're never placed next to each other
because it just wouldn't make sense,
but i guess last wednesday
was the exception.

i arrived early and you were already there
you told me that we'd be next to each other, how rare!

we talked
we tuned
we plugged in
and very soon
we were playing music.

we ran through the set list
which consisted
of three songs,
we exchanged smiles
all the while
we kept the music going strong.

at one point
during the bridge
of song two,
you needed help with the chords
and it was really loud
so i leaned in close to you.

i yelled the note names
as my fiery fingers played through
the progression,
your eyes said it all
and deciding to fake it
was your confession.

later on-
i continued to help with chords
you kept me from being bored
you smiled at me
when we
returned to that bridge.

at the end-
to the stage our team returned
and that is when i learned
as the pastor closed in prayer
that maybe you do care...

looking at me
you held your arm out
wanting me to join you at your side.

and so i did.

nearly four weeks have passed,
i can barely
contain my excitement, but
how will you respond
once you finally
lay eyes upon me and
approach with your blue eyes,
smiling on the inside

just a normal day when my heart lept straight
out of my chest like
never before as every breath
escaped my lips at the
sight of you again

wondering how one person can cause
all these unexplainable emotions that
linger uncontrollably; and when your
kind genuine smile met mine,
every worry faded away knowing you
remembered me

we both strive to be the one that's right
we have our own opinions that sometimes clash
but i'd rather say, "sorry, i'm wrong"
than see our friendship crash.

your devious dagger
was thrown through
my heavy heart
which dropped dead
into scattered scraps
and pitiful pieces
in a broken, ******,
mess.

i wish to go back
to the way things used to be
when we were happy
when we were carefree
i wish a simple smile
could shed light on things unclear
to heal every silent fear
to heal every hidden tear

as we neared one in the morning
(two o'clock his time),
surprised that i was still awake
i told him a little lie

"i can't fall asleep"
was my cover story,
because i didn't wanna lose
the long awaited glory

it had been over a week
since we last conversed,
so when his name lit up my screen
across my face excitement burst

the truth is i was tired
i didn't plan on staying up late,
but oh how i had missed him
as he's home in another state

less than three weeks 'til i see
this new close friend of mine,
so if you hear "i can't fall asleep"
it's probably just a sign

you were right there
wanting to stay on schedule
but i couldn't help saying hi to another friend.

i was distracted
and you knew it
so you did the only thing you could.

with both hands
you placed them on each side of my face
and turned my head towards yours.

my heart was racing, melting,
and i was in shock
like a startled deer on the highway.

i don't remember a thing you said
only that with big eyes
i said okay.

a single drop of rain
gently escapes
from my eyes.

and the thought of you
stirs up the storm inside me.
my eyes take shelter and put up their guards
so that you won't be able to see what's inside
(not like you'd take the time to search them anyways).

don't let them come, don't let them come, don't let them come.
build the floodgates higher.
don't let them come, don't let them come, don't let them come.
stop the thoughts dead in their tracks.

because if i don't
it will flood and it will pour-
the storm of my heart,
the storm of my soul.

let's keep this going,
i could talk all night,
because with you,
everything feels right.

if your love is truly patient and kind,
then Lord, change my heart and mind.
if your love isn't full of jealousy and pride,
then Lord, i wanna set myself aside.
if your love cares more about others,
then Lord, help me to love my brothers.
if your love doesn't get annoyed,
then Lord, i wanna always spread joy.
if your love is genuinely forgiving,
then Lord, in the present i'll be living.
if your love rejoices in what is true,
then Lord, i wanna love like you do.
if your love never gives up,
then Lord, in faith i will jump.
if your love is always persistent,
then Lord, i wanna reach those who are distant.
if your love has the power to change lives,
then Lord, i give you mine.

to every son and daughter
who has ever lost a father,
to every girl and boy
who has lost all joy,
to all the young and old
who have been sold
into believing that-
"nobody loves you"
and "nobody cares,"
"you'll never be good enough"
so you feel life's unfair.
all those people have been
deceivin'
because all those things you've been
believin'
are false.
they are lies,
so dry
your eyes
spread your wings and fly,
because you are loved,
and you always will be.

i'm free, i'm free
nobody's got a hold on me
and i'm loving it.
back to crushes and dreams
things that never seem
to come true.
you've been there through it all
standing firm, standing tall
you always listened.
but you're growing up
and i'm still just a pup
and i can't make you wait.
'cause i know what you long for
opportunity is knocking at the door
while ours remains closed.
so i'll hope and pray
each and every day
that you'll choose me.
because without you i'm dead
you are my best friend
and i love you.

she should probably stop
collecting coffee cups.
everytime she asks me to do the dishes
or everytime i decide to surprise her
i always stand there
looking up
and wondering
how she ever found a place for them all.
everything is put away
except for the small one that remains
in my hand.
staring at the packed cupboards
i feel lost
like i'm in unknown territory
and don't know where to go.
the wrong move will set off
bombs, explosions, bombs
and nobody wants that.
so i set it on the counter
and leave it for my mother
coming to the conclusion that
she must be a magician.

i really should be getting to bed
but all these thoughts race through my head,
i really should be getting some rest
but this is the time that i think best...

you feel like you have no worth
yet you have a reason to be on this earth,
you look in the mirror and you are displeased
yet you fail to see that you're a true beauty.

we feel emptiness in our hearts
for those we loved and are no longer a part.
we get excited when someone new comes along
for we sing the melodies to a new song.

you talk about sun and rain and snow
and how none of us would know- (including)
you, that when they awoke today
an accident would end their earthly stay.

we try our hardest and sometimes we fail
but try to get back up and pave a new trail
we all go through seasons of sorrow
but find hope to make it to tomorrow.

you try to fit in and everyone says you're wrong
when all you want is to feel a sense of belong
you feel so lonely and want to give up the fight
when at the end of the tunnel there really is a light.

we travel through each and every day
forgetting we have power with the words we say,
we make wishes upon stars
forgetting how blessed we really are.

it's funny how
even though i barely knew him
i thought he was so great,
yet the longer we were together
i realized that
it wasn't meant to be.
because my heart longed for another,
one who i've known for much longer,
my best friend.

my exhausted eyes want rest
my burdened brain calls for a break
my fatigued feet can't take another step
i don't think i can take
this anymore.

but that's when he gently whispers to me
and calls me dear daughter
he tells me that when i'm weary and weak
just come to the living water
and find strength.

i want you to be my shining prince
but it's easier to convince
myself that it's me who you
hate, even when i know it's not true.
i don't wanna grieve
so it's easier to believe
that together we can't spend
forever; you're just my best friend.

your birthday is four days away
i've been counting down
each
and
every
day
until i get to send you the happy birthday message.
i know i'll blend in with all the rest
but i hope you'll smile when
my name appears on your screen.
and i hope you'll reply with a heartfelt thanks
because that would mean the world to me.