i fell in love
with the distance
between us

i fell in love
with the timing
and how it's always off

i fell in love
with the hope
that these walls
have nowhere to go
but down
and he'll be on the
other side, waiting

i fell in love
with the thought of
possibly
hopefully
falling in a kind of love
that overcomes
transatlantic flights
and time zones

is it silly to write you a poem
when we've never kissed,
when we've never spoken,
when we've never met?
is it silly to tell you that i love you
when i don't even know
if i'll ever know you?
is it silly to want you,
to crave you, to say that i miss you?
is it silly that i can't write these verses
without wanting to cry, wanting to mourn
the loss of someone i never had?
is it silly to think that one day
i'll show you these words
and you'll smile when you
think at how things turned out?
is it silly to believe that i won't be alone?

There is this moment in the morning, this short, sweet period of time where you haven’t yet woken up but aren’t really asleep. Where your memories have not come crashing down on you like a thunderstorm yet and you can fool yourself for a few seconds.
It is at this time where I forget that you no longer love me.
It is at this time where my heart feels safe.
It is at this time where in my mind I am still your sky and you are still my stars.
I want to live in that time.
I remember once, before everything got so messed up, I looked into your eyes and thought “****, you have never loved a hurricane before. I am going to break your heart.”
You broke mine.
I overestimated myself and underestimated you.
You are the hurricane, the Milky Way that is scattered across your pale silky skin shines brighter than I ever could.
And although I always refer to myself as fire I have forgotten what it feels like to be burnt to the ground.

I wish you knew how empty I feel in your arms.

I wish you knew that when I whispered the words "I miss you" I meant you.

I wish you knew what it felt like to turn from fire to ash so quickly.

I wish you knew that you did this to me.