We are playing this game,
it's dangerous, we know...
But we are still playing...

You are not mine,
I am not yours,
we don't belong to one another
but we are still playing this game...

No feelings involved we both said,
no real relationship...
Spending time together is always fun
our conversations are always interesting
*** is good...

We see each other almost every day
we like similar things,
we touch each other gently
we kiss each other softly...
but none of it is real...

It's just a fun, dangerous game...
Someone else is in your mind... and someone else surrounds mine
We both agreed to this game...
Falling for each other isn't an option...
You talk about her... I talk about mine too...
Open conversations...
we are friends...
just friends...

Then why did I feel lousy last night?...
not when you talked about her,
but when you said your heart was closed...

I see it...she holds the key to that door...
and I don't think you want the key back just yet
even when you say you do...

I know we're playing this game...
I know the rules...
but I felt lousy... I felt a small hit to my heart...
a tiny bump to my chest...
I know this to be a warning...
I know this to be a "proceed with caution" sign...

I will continue to play this game...
for how long... I don't know...
falling for each other isn't an option
we are friends...
**just friends.

I kiss him
I lay on his chest
I play games with him
I laugh, we have fun together
We talk, spend the day together
I cook, we have dinner
I sleep on his bed, he cuddles with me
He kisses me softly, he touches me gently
I truly believe he's special, he has such a beautiful soul...

Then I go home... and you inundate my brain...
Some girl will be lucky to have him someday
Who will be the one to have me?

This morning I'm sad... this morning I'm alone...
This morning I miss you even more than before...
My heart is aching.

I just ******* miss you...
I miss everything
I miss your messy hair in the morning
not wanting to get out of bed...
I miss making breakfast and laughing
your sleepy eyes...
I miss you jumping on my lap to hold you...
telling me how you didn't want to go to work...
I miss your kisses.

I miss the fun fights
the funny looks you would give me
I miss our conversations...
I miss crawling back into bed
kissing you all over
looking into your eyes
laying on your chest...
I miss you holding me tight ... the sighs

None of it exists anymore...
I'm just home alone
I woke up in this empty house
no sounds, no movement on my bed... no soft skin laying next to me.

Sundays hunt me... they rip me apart every time
I try not to be at home on Saturday nights...
I've realized this is why...
I rather crawl into someone else's bed
feel someone else's arms around me
they make me forget...
they make me feel stronger...
they make me smile again...
they help me mask the pain inside my chest

Sundays at home alone... they bring me back to reality

Maybe if things would've been different... If I wouldn't have been reluctant to show you my feelings...
Maybe if I would've wanted to settled down...
Maybe if I would've wanted to show you my love for you in other ways...
Maybe if I would've seen things from your point of view...

Maybe if you would've realized that my heart had been broken before... that my feelings showed through my eyes... even if tears wouldn't come out...
Maybe if you would've realized that I loved you... that I wanted to show you love in the way I know how... that touching you was important...

Maybe if the bridge for communication would've been open... more on my side... but maybe if the emotions wouldn't have ran as high on your side...

I guess we were just too different from each other... but even with all the maybes and all the differences... I still wouldn't trade the love  we had... It was pure, it was real... it was unconditional...

Just if maybe...

Silence ...
All I got from you
Silence...
As if it was my fault
Silence...
Wasn't my storm to take
Silence...
Without a warning
Silence...
Just feelings written down on a piece of paper...
******* silence...
You did not dare to tell me face to face
Silence...
Cowardly quietude...
A mask for your feelings... for your own anxiety.
Silence...

I wasn't given a chance to know...
I wasn't given the chance to explain...
I wasn't given the chance to see it for myself...
I needed to hear it...
I needed to see it in your eyes...
All I got from you...
Silence.

Some days I feel like I can take over the world... others I feel like it's swallowing me whole...
Some days I smile freely and forget... others I don't even want to get outta bed...
Some days laying on someone else's arms is easy... others... you run laps around my brain ... and I feel like ripping my heart out of my chest...
Some days I want to scream out loud and ask God why...
others... I just cry in silence... as I remember you... as every inch of my body calls your name... as I look around the apartment and the memories take over my brain.

I'm just looking for that day when I can say your name and feel peace in my heart... no more pain.

She told him she wanted the moon... So he helped her build a ladder tall enough so she could reach it on her own...
It was her goal, not his to take.
He was her support, not her knight in shinning armor...
She wanted to fight her own battles... he already knew she'd win them all.