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Mahdiya Patel Jun 2018
Baby I think I have the power
Let us heal
Let us be whole
Let us talk our selves into existence by being great
By becoming undestroyed by what has been the greatest creation
You are magic and I will not alter my perception of you by making you less because of your choices
You are greater than what you do to other people
You are you and your vibrations are mighty
They are not on my wavelength and that is why they scar me
But the battle is not defeated it has been signed in a peaceful treaty where we split the treasure
The treasure being us completely
We can now reclaim ourselves by leaving this comfortable war
The safeness must end and we must face what we fear most
The raw us .
We must discover the cravesses of our flaws and embrace them how we embraced eachother
We are not monsters we are light
And I’m going to write about what you have unlocked within my brain
The system of my mind has been broken by your manifestos of who I am
I must take your mighty text and write my own manifestos of who I am and through this I will heal
By myself

I love you eternally
It started with beautiful words with the rebirth
Let it Rest In Peace with beautiful words too , because above all this safe haven was contentment

Goodbye my forever spirit
My always energy
I swear to always hover around you with light and to guide you on your journey with the love I have gifted you
Mahdiya Patel Jun 2018
Life’s been a little tormenting recently
She keeps chewing me into tiny morsels
Chewed meat getting stuck between sharp canines
Then she has this immoral habit of spitting me out , hard
Meat flying through air to splatter on the concrete
Combined with the dirt
Camouflaged in the brown  
Rupi told me my skin is the color flowers grow in she forgot to mention how cold it gets being unrecognized
She lied
Just like all he hims ,
They all have some demons
First he chooses metamphatomine , cuts his palms open and pours in orange juice , he yells to and throws very scary words at me , my therapist said I experience abuse
I don’t know if I believe her or if I’m in denial
Maybe I am I don’t feel the connections sparking
My nerves in my cerebrum feel like they’re missing a circuit or maybe  a current
    
The second him is electricity he fuels everything he is power , or that’s what I believe him to be, maybe he’s just a weak dark colored boy who was never taught how to love
Maybe his demon is himself
He self sabotages because he doesn’t realize that love can be kind , he only knows how to destroy
    
“Belief” its been hard
Connecting with the him that has no flaws the him that watches everything and hurls tests only to my capability
These tests are beginning to strip me of my smile I don’t know what’s wrong
I promise I’m trying to dig
I just feel sad
I feel like water
I want to burst and flow and I want to shimmer on shards of mint green plants , I want them to praise me , I need to praise him
I want to cover my hair
But MY DEMONS are pulling at my follicles like threads of a old T-shirt making me believe it’s pain it’s not pain I know that
It’s beauty to be given the steps on how to be happy
Prayer ?
How can I be so ungrateful for all the blessings you have given me
How can I complain so much when people are being tested to work
Why can’t I talk to you?
What is wrong with me ??
I need to connect I need to talk
I need to make a friend of you
Please find me , I am drowning I am water , I am calling unto you .
Save me , I want to breath contentment I want to spread contentment , instead of disappearing with the fossils I want flowers to grow out of my eyes
Mahdiya Patel Jun 2018
I’m not the type of beautiful that aggressors with your senses all at once, nor am I the type to make the stars stare. But I am the type of beauty that dictates spaces ,I **** up air with my soft energy, and I lure you’re in bit by bit , making you uncover the depths of my beautiful
I then start ******* your fears and painting them with rose water, I feel the textures of how you think and submerge myself into the folds of your brain ,I begin to creep around in your thoughts and I implant the real me ,and this is when my beauty will overpower your feelings
Never harshly my love , by softly , like the drip of a tap, and this implantation is worse than being injected with venom that kills you slowly.
You will bow down to my beautiful , because it’s the type that takes your life slowly , the type that you don’t realize is there.
Mahdiya Patel Jun 2018
Someone once spoke to me about my honesty and how they loved watching it drop from my lips and implant in the thoughts of others
I realized tonight in the crisp coldness that I am often not honest with myself

So I released my thoughts from their cage and allowed them to wander . . .
not too far and in a minute time they discovered disgust

They discovered hypocrisy that I grew by myself that I bred like a new species

I mean I preached loyalty to crowds of souls that had the honor of stroking my heart
Yet I betrayed them by sneaking around and luring boys in
To touch my core
But not the real core
The superficial one which fed their egos and absorbed attention
( this monsteral core fed on attention )


~beastly

Why do I not feel bound to your love? Why does it not weigh me down and cage me in ? Why does it allow me to play with others?
Why does it let me engrave a rough impressionistic font onto the lips of others?
Why am I not suffocating in your embrace ?

Why am I wondering from your purity
Like a pilgrim on a journey into a domino effect
Making boys fall
At my feet , girls too
Like a goddess
  It excites me to be craved
To be worshipped and praised like a deity not to be ****** with ?
Can only toxicity keep me excited
Is your holiness too safe? Is their rebellion running through me?
Why do you love me so much ?
You can’t save me
You don’t know how to play with such a force
I want to devour you
I see you bowing down to me
   I’m running not to the ocean but to a herd of sheep
I hear the waves crashing behind me
I feel the pacific liquid in my ears
The flock is waiting to worship me

You are standing on the sun burning...  
suffering like a servant , begging for me to stay

I choose you because your purity makes me feel holy
A little sane

Selfish?
You say that I’m not
You say that I’m kind and pure
I feel *****
Like I need to wash myself off of me
Bathe me . Stay around I want to be cleansed
I will sober up for you
From his high and from myself ...
I am softness I am rose water and I will continue implanting my beauty in the minds of creation and making them fall like soldiers in war
subtly like a fairy with dust.
And I’ll come back to you , all ready for equilibrium

... I know you’ll be waiting , you always are
DRASTIC AND SEVERE EXPRESSION OF RAW EMOTION
Mahdiya Patel Nov 2017
I will crack pages open to reveal the worlds I have created
Where whirling passion meets a depressed turmoil to dictate a further storm into an alternate being

“Astral travel “
Let my wisdom flood through the gates of your cerebrum to enter and penetrate your thought cavity
Visualize and I promise you will be transported

Imagine ...
Yourself , silk flowing just above your resting space
Now focus , focus on the motion of your blood , the pace - your corpuscles will become more vivid
Feed your body energy
From your powerful realm
Begin to pulse, I want you to breathe at the pace of the electricity
Can you see it
You are glowing , neon
Like under the signs of an old diner in the American movies
A glow, brighter than the stars
A glow so toxic, one that a simple mind cannot fathom
A glow both evil and pure
This glow creates and destroys

Destruction formulated by simplicity
Simplicity forming art
Dangerous art circulating ‘round the idea of breakage
Every now and again, an oasis needed
Not being able to reach far enough
The art destroyed the painter
The glow bursting out her veins
Death by her own beauty
Mahdiya Patel Oct 2017
We are all rapists
Of the most beautiful women
We abuse her body
And make her feel less
We fill her with our destructive ***
To the brim

Drip , drip , drip
She's gonna explode with our morbid "love juice"
We as humans have altered the way we love
Instead we destroy and survive
We **** like animals
Bent over in the street
And we keep penetrating her soft curves and harsh waves , her valley like stretch marks

And yet
She still provides for us
She gifts us with the perfect combination of gas
To keep destroying and filling her as she closes her eyes and can't fight anymore

Until she can't exist anymore and our animalness won't have a place to prosper anymore.

~M.P
Mahdiya Patel Nov 2016
Maybe I was so scared that he'd stop loving me
- I pushed him away instead
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