I still feel you in my sleep
your morning hair against a pillow
skin like silk rubbing up against mine
tired voices whisper words I didn't think I'd have to hold onto
eyes remain shut, afraid of facing the light of day
but some things are inevitable and I suppose that includes you and I and us together
I knew then that you might've loved me
but that isn't always enough to save us from ourselves and all our chaos
so I let you walk away
I just hope when you find your legs entangled in hers
you wonder about the love we could've made
if you had ever learned to wait for something true
I hope you ******* lips when she climbs onto you
& you remember the way I made you feel without touching you at all

There's all these quotes about how who you love is the person you think of when a certain song plays, or at 4 am when you can't sleep-
or the first person you want to tell good news to
& in a lot of ways I suppose you are that person for me.
but I've come to realize that the worlds sugar-coated version of love is complete *******
it's degrading
it does injustice to the things I would do for you.
I have held onto you until my knuckles bled and then I have tightened my grip.
I have never told you that it is too late
because I could wait a lifetime and still fall at my feet because you would finally choose me.
I think of you every second
I miss you when I breathe- when you are laying beside me.
See, the world's idea of love is pretty.
It doesn't include when you use me up and run me dry and I keep giving.
When I ask you about your day but your clothes are off before I have the chance to tell you about mine.
When you only tell me how much you care when I am laying with my body in front of you
willing to break every promise I have made to myself.
When everyone around me sees that you are destroying me & I feel used
But I would still do anything in the world if you asked me to.
How I am so tired of the way that this feels
but never enough to lose you completely.
But if I never talked to you again I don't think you'd feel any different
And still- I see this beautiful person in you
I see everything I know you could be even though you never would prove it
I look in your eyes and I still want to spend the rest of my life with your hand in mine
You will always be enough for me

You wouldn't understand the words I wrote about the way my hand felt resting in yours
you didn't care that I made you my home
that in the sorrows of this life you had a way of letting me forget about it all
& I thought that I could make you adore me
with the things I said;
how I couldn't make sense of anything except the way your chapped lips felt against mine
& the way your eyes looked while we sat beneath a street light
the effortless movement of your hands when a song you love played
I closed my eyes in those moments, in fear that what we had was fleeting
I worshiped you and you never had to ask me to
I know that some people are born with the uncontrolled capacity to give more love than they could ever possibly be returned
I just wanted you to have the same fondess I did
for the way my stomach never got used to seeing you
the way it felt like a lifetime and I could choose you everyday
& the thought of spending the rest of my days by you never scared me at all
& even after everything I'd let you have me all over again
if you wanted, that is
but you can't beg for someone to want you in the same way you want them
maybe in another life this isn't real and you see galaxies in my eyes the way I see everywhere I want to be in yours
but I know that in this life all the words you never said are breaking me apart
and there are so many miles between us
and I'd give you the world but you wouldn't let me