No one seems to understand what I withhold.
Within these walls of golden locks are memories.
Memories that seem to be on repeat.
They aren't a romantic comedy.
They aren't all love and joy.
But nor are they all pain.
They're the looks and laughs shared.
They're the ones that remain.
Those you can't forget and cause hurt.
The stabbing sensation you can't shake.

There are times I wonder if it's hard for him too.
However, life goes on and I can't help
but think he does too.
So why does this happen,
Why is it like this?
Why are we so separated?
Even when we're together, things seem amiss.
It's not that you love me.
It's not that I love you.
It's that we are always drawn together.
Never by our own intentions.
It's like someone just knew.
How we were, how we used to be.
I think we honestly used to both feel so free.
Living apart, but harmoniously.

I still think about that first day you asked.
How it wasn't the first thing you questioned, but the last.
Then you said you were happy, but tired you said.
You needed sleep, and then went to bed.
I remember that night though it's so long ago.
You seemed you happy, but how could I know.
You were really truly nervous.
Now I know that.
It wasn't just me, actually both,
As a matter a fact,
We couldn't quite grasp how we felt that day,
It took us a while to realize I'd say.
That we were both so unaware that the other was equally as uncomfortable
With another being closer than ever before.

There are many reasons it's over.
I honestly don't know one.
But maybe that's what you wanted.
Maybe now you're having fun.
You got what it was,
another girl I suppose.
I hope she makes you happy.
She says that she does.
I can't say I don't wish for different, I do.
But I still hope there is more of us
Maybe more of me and you
Being so close, but distant and enabled,
Of touching and talking, or being emotionally unstable.

I guess you could say this bank has a limited supply.
Memories don't just come from normal days or any old time.
They're always different things like accidents and run-ins, you know?  
They may not seem special,
But they are the best things.

I have not gone so long without talking to you in two years.
But this was it,
The straw that broke the camel's back.
Our friendship is shattered,
Gone like the one of a kind vause,
Made by the recently deceased artist.
No remakes or copies to replace what was lost.
Who you are becoming has pushed me away.
The decisions, the choices make me wince,
Make me shed tears of loss and betrayal and frustration.
I cannot comprehend who you are.
I do not recognize the person in front of me.
Your eyes are shallow.
They are colder than ever, darker than before.
You are not the person I cared for, the person who cared for me.
We are strangers who know the secrets of each other.
I pass you and try not to think of Dr. Pepper and cherry *****.
To forget chicken pizza and the jokes we made.
Life is moving and tilting and shifting,
Slowly pushing us further apart.
We could stop it,
If we truly wanted to.
But we are resigned to what fate has deemed necessary.
I cannot accept that you are so callous.
I cannot understand how you became so unfeeling and heartless.
So I do not text.
I do not call.
Instead, I sit in the silence between us,
And it widens this chasm into a canyon.

We grew up.
We grew into eachother.
I cant tell where I end
and you begin.
We make eachother younger,
braver people.
I look at you and I just
want and want and want.
I want things I dont know how to ask for.
It sticks in my head like bubblegum
on the bottom of my shoe.
Everything feels so incredibly vast.
How do you let go of something
thats already a part of you?
I say your name just to feel it in my mouth again.
All I can see is that October rain
dancing down the lines of your hair
and the gentle ***** of your nose.
Its the kind of thing that makes me want to take deep breaths.
I am storm soaked
and full up in love.
How fine and rare and beautiful it is
to simply exist.

Is it so hard to be honest?
I never knew. Did you
Ever even care for her,
Or maybe I was the lie.

Was I really just too hard to withstand?
The selfless girl must help,
Again being misused. Misread,
Misjudged, all she really wants is love.

You kissed with compassion,
Like she was the only one.
She knew better though,
Knowing it was all "in fun."

So what about the other,
The one you claim to be yours?
Is she truly important,
Or worth as much as the floors?

Did you lie to her, are you still to me?
You act like there's no tradgedy.
I see your destruction, I'm your victim of pain.
Lord help me not to say this in vain:

Is it her or is it me?
You filthy creature, hurting all
Gentle women. What did we do to you?
You're no man, just simply a fool.

We females aren't dumb,
Sentimental at best.
You're the rude, almost evil,
I don't know 'bout the rest.

Here are some things I know:
2+2 is always 4, in the center of an apple lies the core.
One foot is left and the other is right, you need lots of wind to fly a kite.
Puppies are soft and the earth moves slow, red means stop and green means go.
Clouds are white, the sky is blue, and I am absolutely, completely, in love with you.