Relationships that sink and yet
leave you high and dry, but
complications always arise when
your eye's not on the ball.

Ha
my eyes are on stalks every time that she talks
and she leads me astray at her will,
convention may rule but not in her school,
not when my text book turns into a *** look and she
says to me,
detention at three.

It's complex, concave, convex,
save me from geometry and the
angles that angle therein.

After detention a month
of suspension,
'could do better'
the end of the letter the
teacher sent to me.

It's funny
that inspiration
only knocks on
the doors of your mind
in times of heartache
in times of heartbeats
but never
in times of peace
... and as twisted as it sounds
I like that

i am the *** toy
that you
throw
under your bed
when someone enters
your room
unannounced
QUICK-
hide me

i am the cigarette ****
you smush into the ground
and try
to push away
with your foot
so your family
doesn't notice
your trash
QUICK-
hide me

i am the empty
alcohol bottles
from when you were 17
and threw a party
while your parents were away
quick
drive them to the
dump
before they get home
QUICK-
hide me

i am the girl
who you talk to
and hide from your wife
delete the messages
throw out the *******
silence
the phone
QUICK-
hide me

it's okay
i don't mind being hidden
so long
as you take me out to play
every once in awhile
i will tease you
from my hidden depths
lick
and beckon
until you take me out
in the comfort
of privacy
to fulfill
your pleasures

I already forgot how it is to feel him
now I feel someone different entirely, body mind and soul
with so many connections
how can you tell the false ones
when they feel so irrevocably real in that moment
how many people am i
that i can contort to fit each soul

maybe that was the problem  

maybe that is the solution

to find a likeness
not exactly similar but accepting
of the complexity and wonder that
explodes like colors, leaves, cotton on heavy summer air
slowly falling and resting on you
and you never bother to brush it off
like he did

Struggling through wreckage of past thoughts for new material
past and new don’t work anymore
things past, now irrelevant
connections that once felt so real, now long forgotten
no dusting needed, too lived in
like old sweaters finally frayed up the sleeves
and left in a car I’ll never see again

the new, the now, the every night excitement
of just hearing a voice
respond with the love you give out
it heals all

no longer spent
on 4 bottles of wine and 2 packs of cigarettes
in a night of dismay spewing
words off a balcony to no one in particular
just wanting something to say to the world
that makes sense

I see them and don’t linger on times past, once experienced now
molded into where I have come and
what I have come to accept
and you
are it.
you are the breath on the window those many years ago
as I watched him leave
you are the smashed cactus I felt bad for
once it had left my hands
you are the thread that held me together
I didn’t even know you
I didn’t even know it.
every bad moment that made
getting to you, makes sense now
every good moment that
made sunshine seep through my pores
pales in comparison
to just laying next to you

hi, soul mate
hi, daydream
hello, my love.

Some love can never
be destroyed
its color clings
to the backdrop
of our hearts
notes of its song
beneath a layer of paint