How can you not be so afraid of love when you've only fallen in love with monsters?

I could change the story, for you, for us.

I would turn the nightmares into fairy tales.

I would break the darkness and turn the pieces into fireflies.

I would be the happy ending to any tragic lullaby.

I would make you a little less scared,
and maybe you would want lie down next to me under the sheets of the bed.

"Love is in the air"

That's probably why I'm suffocating.

When I was at school,
I sat inbetween two best friends.
They would pass notes over me
talk over me.
Like I didn't exist.
Like they didn't care.

When I was at school,
I sat between two best friends,
I wouldn't try and talk to them
smile at them.
I wouldn't dare.

When I was at school,
I sat between two best friends
so when the teacher asked
'Who's partner?'
They'd say
"Us Miss!"

I'd say
'Nobody Miss'
But she wouldn't hear.
So
on a dreary Thursday
-periods three and four-
I would sit by myself in Music class
all alone by the piano.

When I was at school,
I sat between two best friends.
isn't it sad how I seemed to
look forward to their conversations?
Don't look at me like that.
I didn't have any other ones to look forward to.

When I was at school,
I sat between two best friends.
I wouldn't blame them for not liking me.
           *no one really did

dear daddy,
you were there throughout my
childhood, but when i
say that i mean it physically, of
course. you weren't really
there emotionally.

dear daddy,
as i grew up i watched you
fight with my mom,
i sat through the cold dinners
and at ten i watched my mum
slam a calculator on the table
before walking out the door.

dear daddy,
i was sixteen when you kicked my
brother out of the house. he was
only fourteen, daddy,
he couldn't look after himself.
it was your ****** pride, that's
what it was.
yours and his.

dear daddy,
at seventeen we barely spoke,
i remember the bitterness
i held in my heart;
you couldn't even get a proper job,
couldn't even look after this family,
made mom do all the work.
my brother didn't live with us,
he was at an aunt's house, far away from
the fire we knew would start if you
both were in the same room.

dear daddy,
twenty crept up on me like a ghost
and i saw the lines in your face
age catching up with you as
you began to forget,
where your keys were,
whether you brought your phone back from
the car, what time dinner was.

dear daddy,
twenty-one now, and i still
don't know how to feel about you.
you tried your best, i suppose,
and i love you with a sort of grudging
nonchalance, because who am
i to tell you that you need to change?

dear daddy,*
i'm conflicted. i love you because
i know i should, because i
admit you're human too. you tried
your best, i know you did
and i wish i could change my mind
but i hope you'll forgive me
for seeing a stranger when i look at you.