never allow myself closeness
keep a chain locked around my heart
crouch in my mind’s darkness
hide from a world i’m sure is bent on tearing me apart

never let them know who you really are
protect yourself in an empty smile’s armor
build walls surrounding your soul so you can shove it away far
bathe in the peaceful emptiness of being your only harmer

realize you’ve never felt love
panic because you don’t know you
ruminate: i’ve spent my whole life In Fear Of?
choke on the answer keeping you in the noose

find the girl you’ve denied
and tell her she doesn’t have to die

i learned to eat
and stuff myself full
so i could pretend that the emptiness was a hunger set deep in my stomach
and not one slowly infesting my soul

i stand in the echoing hallways of a chamber
with shrieking voices
their harsh undercurrents of despair haunt the stifled air
i am frozen
stuck in their whirlwind, caught in the current
until a small sliver of light
finally
peaks through the cracks of the dark vault
following its glimmer, i arrive and suddenly
the frenzied voices simmer
a soft moment of clarity dawns and
everything comes to a quiet halt

there was a long time
that i hated both of you
i couldn’t understand how to love
despite all you gave me
i was lost in the vines, all twisted up inside
i saw the cruelty in his eyes
and hated the way it reflected back in mine
i heard the desperation in her screams
and raised mine louder
there was anger settled inside me
like some dark recipe brewing in my bones
1. set low to boil
2. let it explode