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Bee Sep 2020
you remind me of what it felt
to still be free
of fires that crackled
and roared with the breeze

your eyes
like the bright blue
of the lake where i
spent my summer days

and the fresh breath of air
i craved after shutting
myself away
like wounded prey

i’m ready to leave
i plead
will you please have me?
Bee Nov 2020
the brush quivered with the
gentle anticipation growing,
never slowing in her hungry
tummy

she clawed through
thistle and thorn to get a peak
of that pale blue reflection
coercing her towards the shore

the fairies sang of the divinity and
omnipotence stored in the ripples
and if you squint hard enough,
they giggled, there’s surely more

she cast her gaze down to god
and saw thorns trapped in
strands of hair and vines
twisting around with scorn
Bee May 7
i saved a piece of me for you
i put it away for safe keeping
i hoped one day it would bloom
i fear my heart won’t stop aching

im kneeling in a field and my
hands won’t stop grasping at dead flowers
i strangle them but they won’t revive
how strange it is to lose your power

my body throws itself on a slab
of brittle stone marked: you you you
i pray to be made anew
in your image; I pray I fall through

you’re gray and blue and honestly true
that’s how i know i mean nothing to you
Bee Jul 2020
when the rose petals fall
like the season of forgotten leaves
will you still remember me?
i wish i could have stopped the bleed
Bee Jun 2020
the lights beamed ahead with an intense ferocity
and the cars race by my slow moving eyes
and a bug, a thought crept down my spine
i could never be like them
not with my empty tank
not with the hands i tied behind my back
not sitting in the backseat
watching my life fly away from me
the front seat remains empty
the wheel jeers
while i peer at that front seat day after day
longing to feel the smooth leather against tired skin
but
never growing up enough
never finding the courage to love
enough to live my life
Bee Jul 2020
lamplight pierced the horizon
beaming on the freshly paved road
like a glaring reminder of the beauty
that surrounded my blind spots

and it took me into its arms
whispered, “you can’t see me now,
but remember my name,
and one day you might find
ive been here for you
all along.”
and then,
no!” it stammered in
its imperfect way
“i will be here.
on the dawn of your darkest day
then, like a seer
you’ll finally know to let me stay”
Bee Apr 9
everything bleeds
the sun weeps
hot red tears
down her cheeks
fall onto the earth
we bathe in
pools of dust
and fight to
see the shore
in our might
our blood
belongs to the night
Bee Feb 8
there’s a pond on the south bank
where the water churns and churns and
swirls with drops of anger and pain
there’s a pond inside me that never

really goes away; i shake with its weight
while the bubbles claw at the surface
on simmering days

and i want it out out out of me so badly
that temptation gnaws with an uneasy ferocity
to scald you with all that boils in this heat
lava runs too fast and too easily

it’s exhausting
i’m sure
it’s cruel
i’m sorry
Bee Apr 8
there’s a comet outside the window
just beyond the blinds
running past stars
and bleeding into the night

there’s a comet above the rocks
of a family holding themselves
to the string of a dream
trailing from her light

there’s a comet on the horizon
where the ocean whispers
a secret message for her
to pass onto her lover

there’s a comet on the ground
she has shone and done her part
without a spark her light grows dim
and she returns to the stars, smothered
Bee Jan 22
his toes grip the edge of the cliff
and the gentle air whips through
strands of his hair as it plants
a whisper there
why are you standing here?

the sun blazes on and on
until it tucks itself into bed
and he hates the heat and how
its branded him as her own

but sometimes the sting
bites into his shoulder
and the bitterness of the cold
hurts more than the
bitterness she’s sown

but if he just fell away
what would remain
something he’s never known
he’s too scared to go
Bee Aug 2020
often she fails to reside within the land of the living
but instead, among the realm of the dead
they speak to her in silence, swirling, singing
haunting the hollows of her head

phantoms of long forgotten memories obscure the path
between the sliver of the liver and the left
they mark purple knuckles and unheard cries
caught in the tear-stained glass

so she stares through sodden eyes,
a phantom in her own right,
at an image of a life that passes her by
trapped behind the glass of her own demise
Bee Nov 2020
bring me down to earth
these things never work
but the words that slip
like honey that drips
from your sweet tongue
rendered me dumb
i forget how numb

it had felt before
you pet my head
because you knew
how bad it could get

i felt your heartbeat only
a few times
fear has left me
deaf and willfully blind
and now i’m on the other side
wishing that like yours
i’d been sure to open
mine
Bee Jun 2020
i must confess, i once did love you so
gave you everything to see what beautiful things you could grow
i was the fruit and the tree a long time ago,
and from my knowledge you plucked high and low
and plucked, and plucked, to make yourselves whole
but like a leech you ******,
every last drop from my tired bones
my love now runs cold
and i’ve got nothing left to give but drought and cyclones
from being abused, exploited, and sold
i stand before you beaten, broken, bare
while you, my selfish lovers, continue to breathe my neglected air
Bee Dec 2020
she wears emerald in the summertime
and winks at the boys in the park
who stare at her skirt riding up her thigh
she hangs from trees until it grows dark

never minding the voices that float
into her ears from the sidewalk
of the empty kindness of ghosts
hopelessly trying to fill themselves up

when the moon graces the sky and shines
she counts her blessings by its dim light
there’s trees and air and flowers alive
she catches them swelling in her sight

the moon composes a secret melody
the flowers play guitars if you listen closely
her head nods along until it drifts off
and she turns around to give them a hug
Bee Nov 2020
my baby
fear
i carry her with me
i nurse her even when
i can’t breathe

my baby
fear
i take with me
everywhere
******* drops
of sweetness
from the air

my baby
fear
always hungry
always feasting
forever leaching

reaching for somewhere
far away from here
down that maze
i stray
falling away
for her to stay
Bee Nov 2020
try to feel something
for me tonight
i forgot how you
glittered in the sky
the brightest light
for a moment
broke through your eyes

i’ll talk to you about trees
and how you want to live in greece
i would probably do most anything
for you to feel something
and boy, if you do
would you please
spare some for me too
Bee Dec 2020
i want to feel lost
in the jungle tearing through branches
in the river against currents thrashing
the will to fight still dances

hard and fast in my little soul
yet when a wave comes crashing
and yanks my head under i tend
to let my arms and legs play dead

so please come to my bed tonight
and remind me of sunshine
with those starry eyes
so i may not forget how

the world is sharp and thorny
and twists and turns will fool me
but these scars are only monuments
to the battles of the one i want to be

then let me lay my head on your chest
so that i may rest
because battles: failed, unnecessary, unwon
constantly boil in my blood
Bee Jan 28
there’s trees that stand tall and wave
from some lofty place where
their tips touch the clouds
where they bathe in air and light

and jealousy runs into the ground
twisting and churning under your feet
and the bugs march on
and the bats never sleep
and the monkeys are out for blood
and there’s no sweet song

to blanket your ears from up above
but there’s vines and places to climb
go on, then
hold on tight
Bee Jul 2020
the night sky was alive
was it smoke or fog?
not even the angels could tell tonight
under streetlamps the road glistened
with paper, fallen stars
and the echoes of children’s gleeful screams
could still be faintly heard
mingling amongst the frogs and birds
Bee Sep 2020
keep pouring into me
your fears
the shadows that haunt you
your pain
the bags that break your back
pour into me
i am just a vessel
for you to shed your skin
as to pretend to be anew again

but be wary that i’ve sat
with this heaviness for so long
that gunpowder rests in me
i am your gun, ready to load
and if you cut me too close
im bound to explode
Bee Jun 2020
imagine the trees lined up long and kissing the sky from their big tree families
there in the trees sits a baby bird while he waits for his worm when his father arrives
and the worm wiggles while he remembers gracing the palm of a girl who pulled him out of a watery demise and the rain clouds above kissed the sweet girl’s head
the clouds carried mighty and strong strength to the living and remembrance of the dead
as it poured into rivers and streams and oceans and lakes, the people danced around their source of joyous bounty before they ate


the people loved their bountiful land and learned the language of the trees
so they could share each other’s needs and meet each other in harmony
the people tugged, and their land pulled, a balancing act perfected out of love and serenity

the animals they nurtured and protected with great care so that their circle of peace would exist without need for repair
because the people loved the animals and the animals loved them so they built a great big kingdom for them all to live
Bee Jan 2020
there was a long time
that i hated both of you
i couldn’t understand how to love
despite all you gave me
i was lost in the vines, all twisted up inside
i saw the cruelty in his eyes
and hated the way it reflected back in mine
i heard the desperation in her screams
and raised mine louder
there was anger settled inside me
like some dark recipe brewing in my bones
1. set low to boil
2. let it explode
Bee Jul 2020
when i was young
i tried to rewrite history
because i could not stand
to bear it all on shaky knees

i burned the old pages
drew a big x
through any future
i could foresee

the embers, they fell
snowflakes gracing
torched ground
and i ached to flee

to a place
that could hurt me not
i desperately rewrote the history
but in safety, i became the enemy
ice
Bee Mar 9
ice
there’s a kingdom of ice that lay
north of the land of wind
where it stands in solitude
and waits for some
sort of breeze to push
its way in

but until then it will remain
with its hardened queen
who, when she rests her head,
dreams of passion and heat
engulfing her in flames
while her eyes stay blank

its a palace and kingdom
for no one but one
it’s lonely and hidden
and the walls have all but
begun to tower towards the sky
Bee Sep 2020
winter came with the snow
and i watched it go
in waves of trees beaten
naked; exposed like the holes
of the moles burrowing
in search of salvation
Bee Jun 2020
you take from people
i know because you took from me
a fragile soul
a dim but growing light
a place in the world
that wasn’t shadowed by you
you take without regard
and fill yourself up with
the light of others
their passion
their dreams
and like a parasite, you feast
until
****
the light goes out
the passion extinguished
the soul rots
you took and took
you selfish self obsessed ****
and in your wake
i’m left with
a shell
a misery
an emptiness
you use people until they’re all used up
then find another girl to ****
Bee Feb 2020
i learned to eat
and stuff myself full
so i could pretend that the emptiness was a hunger set deep in my stomach
and not one slowly infesting my soul
Bee Mar 6
the stars are always there
so every once in a while
i look up to see
their fingers reaching down to outline
how the wind passes through the sand
how the waves return to the shore
how its hand looks in mine

fitted against rough nails and soft skin
lay something so gentle that i could
not dare to close my palm
i rest my head in the sand
listen to the waves return
to their lover again
and lay with it there
until morning arrives
Bee Aug 2020
she lifted her head up
sunlight hitting her crinkled wings
leaving streaks of bliss
over their tear-streaked covering

next; her wings
ever so slowly unfurled
weighed down by atrophy
she gasped, watching
as the lost become the undead

and when they spread she saw
how gorgeous they had been all along
Bee Dec 2020
do you remember the feeling
like
the one i keep failing to put into words
like when you and your best friend
faced dragons in your den
and you leapt from chair to table
to escape a fiery death
and do you remember
seeing their face when
only the dim light of your nintendo
illuminated their cheeks
do you remember how i said
i would love you until the end
and i would always come back for you
like some knight in shining armor
or a prince in waiting even though
you didn’t really need saving

but then they ripped me away
from everything i held dear
and nothing i love stayed
the same again
but i still think about you
on cold Washington nights
my friend
Bee Nov 2020
flew off to see
what the galaxy had for me
sailed away on this black sea
losing more and more gravity

i felt it in my stomach
when blue faded to black
the aliens assured me i’d love it
cold press of knife in my back

there’s madness here
playing in the emptiness
and i’ve got nothing to hear
but its sweet consonance

spent my life on a moonbeam
but it’s getting lonely
i want to believe in beauty
below the stars
Bee Feb 1
can i see you in the next one
would you let me into
your arms again
so that i can sit next to you
on the bench right outside
the door where you found me
with one foot out and another
stuck in some wide
place with no bottom
i was so young and brand new

can i see you in the next one
i promise we’ll get it right this time
i’ll get older and you’ll listen
to the songs i write
even when i put every piece
i’ve got into them

i wrap myself around things
and cling for dear life
i didn’t want to find out
what it was like to lose you
but i’m here
and i think i lost me too
Bee Feb 14
when the night turns
pitch black your flowers
are blooming for
an empty crowd
it feels better that way
and you can’t remember
why you clung to that
noose in the first place
Bee Nov 2020
the air tastes like grapes and blueberries
and the palm trees dance to a melody
from a land that sings of peace
but selfishly hides the remedy

sometimes a hint of blue bursts through
and takes you into its arms
pulling you into its portal, you flew
against time to return to the stars

and suddenly you’re seven again
and life as you know it has no end
and the world is nothing but a page
from your coloring book, waiting

to be filled with lilac and fern
waiting upon your gentle return
Bee Nov 2020
i will take what i can get
it gets so cold out here
you haven’t known emptiness
until its swallowed you whole

and i will take an hour or two
of the hearth’s dull flame
it doesn’t really matter to you
how this heart aches

but i need some air to ignite
what i hope is still there
i’m sure im not even in your sight
i always want more than you can bear

i’m beginning to feel like your toy
so i think i’ll ride alone from here, cowboy
Bee Feb 8
there’s an ocean in my heart
and it’s drowning out all
i’ve got left to give
it hurts and it whispers
more
until i grow faint
and sick
and tired of it

i can’t remember what i
put there to begin with
but what i did is
breaking me apart

so i will
put myself back together
again
and again
Bee May 2
the ocean lays
fifteen miles outside my yard
i know the waves crash onto
the shore as each day passes
i know that the sun sets at eight
and the tide follows
depending on the mood
of the fickle moon
but the ocean may not have me
i have a bath at home
it’s just shallow enough that
the ripples i create in my sandbox
only pose threats to rubber duckies
but the ocean lays
fifteen miles outside my yard
Bee Jul 2020
you and i
driving down the highway
i swear we could fly
with you behind the wheel

the pictures littered the car
like anxious petals fallen too soon
desperate pleads for a love
i could not express to you

steady hands on the wheel
you whisked me away
to a little burger place on the interstate
where for a moment we escaped

the rush of it all
the pain of it all
when i felt safe
to fall into you

eyes glued to the dot
amongst trees and cars
yearning to keep this spot
that, only briefly, we called ours
Bee Jun 2020
there’s a rabbit with moon hooded eyes inside of my heart
and every night she looks up to the stars
yearning not to break apart

my rabbit and i feel fine most of the time
but when she starts racing i cry
because my mind believes my existence is a crime

and my heart can’t take it
she thinks she must’ve stopped
so she relentlessly pumps
creating dangerous music; thud thud thud

and look! there goes my rabbit
thrashing around in my war torn lungs
creating chaos in case of catastrophe
because future battles must always be won
Bee Jun 2020
there's a girl that stands at the end of a pond
barely nine or ten
and as she glances over cool blue she hears their song
the frogs, harmonizing, just in tune with their great friends the herons

she whips her head in wonder
at the cattails swaying in the breeze
while her arms swing up in a blunder
composing her own unseen symphony

the girl turns fourteen
and returns to the lake where magic once grew
and as she glances over cool blue she can't help but lean,
noticing with horror, "oh, there's a new pimple or two"

the frogs sing joyfully of her triumphant return
but in her steely haze not a sound can be heard
Bee Jul 2020
joni wasn't sure what compelled him
to run on this particular night
maybe it was the fragmented sky
caught between the airiness of dusk
and the heavy stormclouds weighing it down
all he knew was that
it felt like the closest he'd been to real life in a while
and it had been a while

maybe it was that he'd always known
the heavy clouds so intimately
but deep down what rang true
was that he would never really know at all

nothing; except the gentle patter of his feet against the pavement
and the brave truth that
they may continue to carry him
even when the sky finally threatened to collapse
Bee Dec 2020
it’s been a while since i
last held your breath
close to my heart
and it’s been a while since you

took off to depart
on a ship with no air
you shout out from your own
layer of the atmosphere

maybe there’s birds where
the wind carries burdens
maybe the pressure
rolls off their backs with care

but precious moments
leak from my brain
and i have no way to focus
but to stare at the stains
Bee Aug 2020
sneak in for a minute
i cracked the door
i hoped you might
come explore

i’ll show you my coin collection
and my stuffed toys
boy, i might even
let myself enjoy

the pale of the moon
against your vibrant eyes
while you stare to the stars
i see you now; so sublime
illuminating your blush
just like us, you whisper
lost dots in time
Bee Nov 2020
mom looks out through the trees
and speaks of birds swooping in
as the past visiting us from the dead
her serenity never ends

tomatoes push through the dirt
in our garden of eden
they’re trying to hug the sun
but never quite reach it

the yard grows myths
that she gladly devours
in the absence of wonder
we sow our own in summer
Bee Oct 2020
we dance like
everyone is watching
never knowing when
this performance ends

we circle around
the feelings we hide
chasing other shadows
left with nothing inside

we snarl and growl
our shadows tall
dancing across halls
of empty homes

menacing monsters
we hide underneath

but in the shade lays a girl
no more than sixteen
go to her and sing
return to me, please
Bee Aug 2020
he looked at her with those eyes
drooping under the weight of
the pain of the past
and the fear of the future

she knew that look
he battled his rock
never learned to push it
happily

she took his hand
dropped soft kisses on his knuckles
so he may remember softness
when he’s punching walls

“sometimes,” she whispered
“you run so fast you forget
to see the paths
that could’ve been”

“you are what you’ve allowed yourself
to be, lovely
so look down my path
and you may finally find what you seek”
Bee Mar 10
i clung onto a dream
of you loving me
and i held it so tightly
wrapped it up with
a bow in my small arms

and i heaved and heaved
convinced by some string
of unsureness deep inside me
i held the weight as it dragged
my knees to the floor
bowing before you
i made myself tiny
Bee Dec 2020
i’m just a scared little girl
not even sure
how i ended up here

hear me roar
so loud but so insecure
i forgot how
to be in this world

but a dog scratches me
always begging
more, more, more

and i feel like maybe
i don’t belong here
and i feel like always
i’m the worst person
in the room

always trying to do
what i ought to
i’m getting tired
of this charade

i want to be true
weakness has long
hung around my neck
my beautiful boa

but i’m going to find the place
where magic grows
maybe i’ll see you around
Bee Dec 2020
softball batter at home plate
eyes fall on her tattered cleats
hot knives of pressure in her tummy
her dreams fall to her feet

ball barrels in at 60 an hour
their eyes sincerely plead
projecting spite or broken dreams
onto this screen they bleed

ball just within her sight
she swings with all the weight
that has fallen into her small lap
one second free is infinity

ball just behind left field
and the audience cheers
for the girl stealing home
and running from her fears
Bee Nov 2020
spring permeates the air
and a warm fog you forgot
lays you in its arms bare
and there you remember lost

glimpses of birds soaring
and skinned knees from falling
you swore the sky wasn’t ready
and nothing was too heavy

whispers of trees beckoned
and branches were just steps
for you and your friends to heaven
and you wished this world was kept

in the palm of your tiny hand
instead of slipping through your fingers like sand
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