Watching that,
It hit me, hard.
"Mommy, when is daddy coming home?"
"Mommy I cant sleep without daddy here to tuck me in.."
"Daddy, did I make you go away?"
You'd think that
by now the memories
would have gone away..
Hearing the same words
I said come from another,
in the same situation
reminded me of how bad
that pain confused me.
She was the same age
she looked like the pictures did of me..
She wanted her daddy back like me.
I remember.
"The kids at school think I'm weird"
"They called me a freak"
"Even the nice kids make fun of me"
"I am starting to believe them.... What they say about me"
"I am a freak"
Hearing that, too
brings back excruciating anxiety
that I remember all to well.
The panic attacks set in,
the tears come in,
hurts more cause i have been
able to overlook and forget everything
that
they did.
I believed what they said too.
"I am a freak" I said,
There is something wrong with me, obviously,
I thought.
I Why wouldn't you fight for us, me?
I didn't know how you felt,
but you knew what we were,
didn't seem to phase you, cause you still left
and I wept
Yeah I forgive you,
but I don't forget
You got yourself in a close set, of some bad debt.
I was that "freak"
I was that little girl,
and I watched it happen all over TV
It hurt to see me,
and it hurt to see you leave
I hated you for not being there with me opening presents under the Christmas tree
but it worked to a tolerable degree
I don't want to see my future kids be me though,
I hope they don't have to.
But I love you,
cause I mess up too.
And for the freak, you aren't what they say you are.
You re beautifully, and amazingly AWESOME, **** what they say.
And that will be all i have to say,
have a good day.
#hate #love #loss #TV