Every time my heart beats, it loves you more, and that is part of why I crave to live.
It doesn't matter who you turn into,
If you become a stranger- harsh and cold and ordinary.
I love you as I knew you.
I love you as you are meant to be- alive and passionate and thoughtful,
Kind beyond measure,
Hot headed but so joyful.
My heart beats for that girl.
And no stranger with your face can ever take that from me.

You will not ruin me twice.
This time, you will make my soul the most beautiful it has ever been.
It is my choice.
Last time, the way to show you that you are my truest love was to suffer without you and burn in my own hurt.
This time, I will show it with forgiveness, devotion, and strength.
I am finding peace,
I am growing like a forest nourished by the ashes of a city, and I
Will be exquisite.
You have not made me into this.
I alone have made me.
But, that said, I have done it in your name.
And if ever you see me happy and alive, know that it is because I love you:
You cannot take from me.
That is your justice.
That is your punishment and your gift-
That I will use everything you do to me as sustenance,
As light,
As comfort,
Even if it is ugly.
And may that make the part of you that loves me joyous,
And may that make the part of you that hates me livid-
Both of them deserve it utterly.
You woke me up,
And now I decide when the sun sets.

So these are some of the things I want:

A mother holding its child,
the child touching the leaves of a tree,
the tree bringing comfort to this place.

I want so many things,
sometimes they seem to belong to some other world,
like a wonderland.  

But maybe that's not so far away...

My wonderland lies in my heart and it wants to be heard,
just like Joni Mitchell in my cold morning walks.
It wants to be touched,
like your hair between my fingers.
Oh, and I cannot forget, it wants to be seen,
like the cozy light of a fireplace.

And I know my eyes so many times can be blind,
I know I may not listen to what will not scream into my ears.

But then I see this mother holding its baby,
and the baby touching those leaves,
and the leaves awakening my senses again.