I'm lying here, yet again
Wide awake, at 6am.

This is our little ritual,
Our native dance -  

Oh, the change that has come to our ritual -
While you fumbled for missing words from forgotten conversations

I listen to the light snores of our husband to be -
And as I smile with my 6am waking,
I know that you are somewhere in the past aching -

Last night it was him that I was kissing,
It was his tongue pressed to the back of my teeth,
And his hands on the small of back,
Pulling me closer -

As the wind wept around us,
And as his hand slipped into mine -
I realised, that it was him, that I was kissing in the shadows.

And as I pulled away, slipping back into the light -
You stood there watching, waiting, with a sullen sadness on your face.

And after all this time, that is when you chose to tell me,
That you loved me -

your words
your thoughts
even your lies -

Never have I seen your face -
when I look at you
I only catch glimpses of your soul

and when my fingers brush off your skin
It's your soul, that I feel.

Swipe left, swipe right
Swipe left again.
The familiar heart shape of a match pings a new life into the shimmering screen.

As I press letters into my keypad,
Forming words that my friends and I have constructed
As if the words on the buzzing screen
Were a fine art only we had mastered.

And that was how our story began
Swipes, typing, buzz.
Laughter and scrutiny from my friends and I to your reply.
Adds, follows, likes...

Then the little read icon
Had been left idle and blue for days,
No double text, or vaguely targeted picture could tempt him.

Then back again,
Swipe left, swipe right...
Followed by more typing and blue ticks.

today is your fifth birthday -
only nobody in the world knows this but me.

the 20th of November -
the death of all your unlived dreams.

happy birthday my little one,
may you rest in peace.