I've been waiting for you for a
while now.
And I would have given up on
you already if I knew being
hopeful was a sin.
But I dream about you every
night and the reality of you is
ever so present at 2:54am.

Behind my eyes flickers a
constant film of black and
white.
And in my ears I hear a stream
of jazz and laughter.
And I've figured out that that I
wouldn't mind waiting a little
longer for you to arrive.

I am terrified of the beautiful
lush roses that bloom by my
doorstep.

I am terrified of the shade of
green the grass turns at
twilight.

I am terrified by shades of the
sunrise and the meaning of a
sunset.

I am terrified by the laugh of a
child and the love of it's mother.

I am terrified of hearing the
most beautiful song and
knowing the feeling it holds.

I am terrified of you.


-a.b.

When I have kids, I will:
Love them
Heal their broken heart
Rock them to sleep
Be their rock
Never lay a hand on them
Never point fingers
Never have a favorite
Never lie to them
Never slap them with looks or hit them with words
Always make sure they are happy
Be their cheerleader
Always be positive
Tell them how much they mean to me
Never be abusive
Always make sure our relationship is okay
Make sure they can be honest with me
I want to see them smile
I don't want them to cry themselves to sleep at night or be depressed
I will let them eat as much as they want
I won't force them to do sports
I'll let them imagine they're superheroes or writers or austrinauts
I'll read them a book before bed
I make them laugh
I'll never be the cause of their anguish
I'll acknowledge them at all times
I will talk to them
I'll let them have as any friends as they want
I will let them blast music and sing during diner
I'll take them to the park
I'll hold they're hand
I'll let them dance at night
I'll always make sure I'm there for them
I will make sure they know they are loved and I will make sure they love me too.
When I have kids I'll be the mother I always needed.

-a.b.

There are nights
When all I want
Is what I most desire.

Is it okay to spend
Countless evenings
Thinking
Wishing
Planning
Needing
To make people
Feel
Something?

But most of all
I now realize
The world could do
Without my hopeless
Romanticism
Inspiration
Words
Meaningless nothing's.

Is it okay
That I now realize
All this
Has been
In vain?

All I want is
To make myself feel
So much.

I just need to fill this space.

-a.b.