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 May 2014 logan
Aoife Teese
it's the difference between
you're so awesome and
you're so interesting

it's the difference between
a compliment
and whistling at me in public

yes i express myself
yes i am noticeable
no i don't want you to touch me

yes i express myself
yes i am noticeable
no i don't need your opinion

it's not okay to kiss me
touch me
***** me
pet me
without permission

and it's not okay
that to avoid these gestures
i have to change
my expression
i miss my hair
 May 2014 logan
chloe hooper
forget the drugs. yeah, they’re going
around and yeah, they’re pretty
dangerous, but they don’t take as many
lives. stop searching kids’
lockers and start looking for the deeper
stuff, the things that leave heavier
inflictions. yeah, i
know it’s nearly one
hundred degrees outside, and
there’s girls in here wearing
long sleeved sweaters. they’re
hiding something more
sinister, something
that can’t be measured in
kilos.
 May 2014 logan
Aoife Teese
i don't see any benefits to your existence
you are a waste of space
i don't want you in my life
you are an awful excuse for a man

"but he is your father
and he loves you"
has become overused

you are not the man of my childhood
he would never have said
or done
the things you have
where is he?
where are you?
"they are children! stupid children! they don't know anything!"
 May 2014 logan
Aoife Teese
i just wish i could feel something

i am so lonely
at least i'm happy when i'm drunk
 May 2014 logan
Aoife Teese
Your attitude towards pop culture.* Just because I happen to enjoy things like pop music and those stupid little round chapsticks doesn't mean I deserve to be belittled by you.

2. Your inability to move on. Okay, so she didn't like you back. Alright, that really *****. I understand. It's not the end of the world, either, and shouldn't have hurt you quite nearly this much for this long.

3. You make everything about you. Maybe if you spent as much time trying to know me as you did talking about yourself we wouldn't be where we are.

4. You will lie to get what you want. Yeah, you ****** up. You brought up the major "L" word incredibly too soon. It's fine. You were drunk, and I got my space. But as soon as you edged near the concept again and I caught you, you immediately back-tracked and tried to make me think you were still what I wanted.

5. Your classic manipulative tendencies. I understand self-hate. I really do. But it's not okay to use your own self-hate as a tool to make me feel guilty.

6. You're immature. Sure, I don't claim to be absolutely perfect. I'm an eighteen year old girl, I have a long way to go. But after not talking to me for three days, isn't it a bit *young
of you to delete me off of every single social networking you can think of off the top of your head? I understand a clean break, but you didn't even try to talk to me first and measure my feelings.

7. You're passive-aggressive. It's really cute how you would write negative and mean things about me where you know I would be able to see them. Really cute.

8. You didn't want to know me. I opened up to you. I truly did. I expressed many things to you that took a lot of time and work to be able to express to my therapist, a person who I literally pay to talk to about my problems. But, unfortunately, anything that didn't fit in the schema you shoved me into, you promptly forgot.

9. You never listened to me. I told you exactly what I wanted. Exactly what I was looking for. You told me you could do this, but as soon as you wanted something else, you fought tooth and nail for that instead, completely disregarding any feelings I may have had about it.

10. You're probably going to read this. Leave me alone. I pushed you away because of the reasons above, not because I'm pushing everyone away. Feeling lonely and writing about it doesn't mean I don't have close friends that I talk to and love very much. Which I suppose you'd know, if you bothered to know me.
a friend of mine showed me your post whoops haha
 May 2014 logan
Morgan
Diagnosis
 May 2014 logan
Morgan
She was a heap
of tangled wires
on the floor of my bedroom;
I stayed up until four
in the morning
desperately trying
to pull her apart

She was a pile of sheets
all folded over herself
at the foot of my bed;
I stayed home all day
desperately trying
to unravel her

She was her sweatshirt
dripping crimson from
the sleeves,
She was the note she left
on my dresser,
She was the pills her doctor
prescribed her,
She was drawn curtains,
She was locked doors,
She was gone before I found her,
She was her diagnosis all along,
*She was never mine
 May 2014 logan
Elijah Nicholas
don't forget all the moments I've been there for you.
and all the times I took the time to make you feel understood when no one else could.
don't forget all the times I have tried everything in my power to make you feel better.
don't forget all the times I looked at you with my heart through my eyes.
and the way I held your hands as if they were as precious as your heart.
so please,
please don't forget me.
 May 2014 logan
Aoife Teese
slowly walk into the bathroom
deep breathing exercises
count to ten
again and again
step onto the cold linoleum
the cold hurts your feet
slip your skin off
wash off the mask
you don't need it right now
kneel to the cabinet
under the sink
pull out the small square
put it on the floor
in front of your feet
deep breathing exercises
count to ten
again and again
one step forward
right foot to match
clenched fists, white knuckles, shut eyes
count to ten

the number blinks at you
you've gained
you've gained
you've gained
you've gained
you've GAINED
YOU'VE GAINED
the room becomes smaller
you drop to your knees
warm tears roll down your cheeks
move closer to the porcelain
both hands taking turns in your mouth
get it out
get it out
get it out
get it out
now

a deep breath, a sigh of relief, the sound of harsh running water
you won't eat tomorrow
you don't deserve it
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