she sleeps with
her knees pulled up
and her shoulders lifting
back arched toward the
top

did you know- it's our anniversary
of when you told me about her?

i reacted in shock but tried not to show it
and expressed only delight at your
prospective relationship

it fell apart quickly
but not before we did

now, a year later,
do you remember?

You asked her to describe herself. I can tell you.

She is daisy petals falling and the slipping on a wet leaf in autumn and putting on pajama pants and cotton candy as it melts and stepping into sunlight in the morning.

You are the cold slap of hitting the water and running your fingers through your hair when you wake up and taking a sip of too-hot tea and the feeling when you ski faster than you should and the brush of your pencil when it's at the softest, darkest angle that makes everything beautiful.

I am waking up warm in the middle of the night and the secret brush of fingers and lighting that strikes too close for comfort and cold cement under bare feet while it rains and the soft surreality of hair underwater.

so at night I curl up
next to your memory

The mist hanging
over
the lake
reminded me of you.

It's past midnight and my head is full of you.

The things you say
and hate
and like
and worry about,

the conversations we have had
and the ones I want,

the way you smile
and mock me
and laugh
and tease,

the habits you have of hidden insecurity
and lapsing into other languages
and talking low and fast,

even the way you sound when you have a cold
and your voice is slightly off.

I am in love with all of it.

I haven't thought about anything else for hours.

I want to laugh
more worry
less and keep
dreaming about
you

just sitting when you happen
to glance at me and my heart
stops because you
don't understand what you mean

I've had an epiphany-
we were never meant to last

when I think of you I think if we could be
beautiful,
brilliant,
blissful,
and far too brief
and I am scared of ending

perhaps that is why I don't want to begin

All I want now is to see you.
I don't even need to talk to you;
just having you breathing in the same room
is overwhelming.

you will do anything to wear me down to nothing

just because I didn't say no,
doesn't mean I meant yes