In fear of losing her,
I did not grasp onto her too tightly.
Instead,
I cried.
And instead,
I let go.

i want to write poetry like how some music sounds,
like the soft yet present low octave harmonies that are blurred
by the pedal,
and everything outside is blurred
by the falling rain,
and the crackling of
the fire matches the grass that sways in the breeze.
And the house is dark except for
the embers in the fireplace and
there’s a chill in the house that somehow reaches past the fabric of your sweater.
And you feel full of life but empty at the same time,
like the rich sad song of a slow saxophone,
crying over who you lost
and lost in who you shall soon find.
And you lay down and let yourself unwind,
Melt into this moment,
Just you, trapped in your thoughts,
But for the first time that’s not a bad thing.
The rain keeps falling and a small bird sings,
The fire doesn’t die and the piano plings.
And oh, being alive feels so wonderful and dark.

and in the heat of the moment,
your body on mine,
you melted my cold cold heart,
and before tracing my back with your fingernails,
you promised me they weren't sharp.

and in the heat of the moment
you melted my heart,
and before running your nails down my spine
you looked at my eyes,
you kissed me hard,
you promised me you were mine.

and you were on top,
*******, unstoppable,
and I said don't look at my chest,
but you looked me in the eyes,
kissed me and said,
you are beautiful, even undressed

the city still lives when the sky cries
If anything
it shines
and looks more alive
and the people will run
and the birds will cry
cursing their wings and
cursing the sky,
but I know better.

water, when you fall
I'll be here
I'll catch you,
and you, rain
you can seep into my veins,
and you can chill every
inch of my bones,
but I'll love you, without any shame
I'll love,
I'll still love you the same

she makes the moon rise
look into her forest eyes
overlook her honest lies,
love her, even when she cries
and love her when-
surprise surprise
-hearts to ice
and true love dies

don't let the heart stand above all
the harder you hope
the harder you'll fall.

just know in my heart that I love you so,
I will hope, I will love
and I won't let you get go.

is it so easy
to break my heart
only to go back
to the one who broke yours?

She said
she wanted to be a work of art,
so she painted on her skin with a blade.
Red was always her favorite color.
She's dead, only alive in my head.
And she only visits me in my sleep,
as the most beautiful work of art.

My eyes are curtained,
clouded by the heavy sounds,
shaded by the lack of clouds
and the purity of the endless sky.
Unfathomable space depth,
unfathomable water depth,
unfathomably tall trees,
looming, watching over me.

The feeling is dark green,
clean after endless rain,
dark after daytime pain,
rich and full and soft,
enveloping me, swallowing me,
lifting me to meet the stars
while I gaze into the unfilled void of eternity.
the stars want to know what the ground is like,
I tell them that their whispers of thoughts,
and their silent eyes,
and their blanket of mystery is much better
than the souls that aren't allowed to be themselves.
It's better when my eyes are curtained,
because then I can see the sky.

i want to stand in a glass room,
i want to levitate, i want to be in the sky
i want to be surrounded by darkness,
and i want to scream.
no words, but full of meaning.
i want to scream all of the things that i’ve kept inside,
somethings that i don’t even know of
find their way deep into my stomach,
and i need them out,
i need them out because my hands can’t contain them anymore,
and my mind can’t contain them anymore,
i can’t move fast enough to write them all down.
why do people write like they're running out of time?
because they are,
there is no feeling like the feeling that im feeling right now,
this feeling of a galaxy exploding inside of me,
i don’t want to be contained,
i want to be bigger than my body,
i want to be the bass that shakes the ground,
i want to be the voice that is the sound of freedom,
i don’t need to advocate,
i just need to feel,
i don’t want technical terms,
i don’t want words.
words aren’t enough
NOTHING IS EVER ENOUGH
I NEED MORE TO EXPRESS WHAT I CAN'T CONTAIN
*nothing is ever enough
i need more to express what i can’t contain

absolutely,
completely,
utterly
free.
no such thing.
but i can pretend,
i can pretend to not care
and can take out my hair,
and dance like a drunken matt healy onstage,
i can scream like janis joplin,
i can **** those guitar solos like hendrix or prince,
i don’t even play guitar, but i can pretend.
i can blast the music that makes my heart tight,
that makes my skin too tight,
that makes my body a limitation to my mind
and my feeling.
i need a place where i cannot be contained.
i need a place where i can be
absolutely,
completely,
utterly
free.
no such thing.

soft lavender skies
hollow wind chimes
calm, bright eyes
warm coffee and bare thighs
indoor heating
oatmeal eating
close, ****** seating
quiet breath
fathomless depth
crescent moon and breathing chest
my head laying on your breast
cloudy, white walls
purple dew, blue sky, you're tall
cold wooden floors,
on which I am sprawled
paint splatter, slow chatter
silent, happy laughter
thoughts of harmless disaster
my happily ever after

The sky is more blue
through the tint of my glasses,
and the grass seems softer
after the rain

You say you love the view
from this garden,
and I say so do I,
but I'm looking at you

You say that you can hear my heartbeat,
I say yes, for your head
is on my chest
and my breathing is slow,
we're both at rest.
And you tangle your fingers
around my neck,
and I tangle my fingers
in you hair.

And I"m looking down at you
your forest colored eyes,
and your lips, very pink
maybe more so through the tint of my glasses
but pink all the same.

I think I'd like to kiss you right now,
But it's not the right time, and I don't know how.
I don't want to let you go,
and I think I'd like to know your soul

Because I've lost my sight,
I cannot find my way to you.
Because my ink is dark,
my pages have a purpose,
my words leave a mark.

Because my tears are glitter streaked,
doesn't mean that they don't fall out of despair.
Because the years go on,
you fade away in my mind.

But I would still recognize you
in a crowd of those I love,
Because my heartbeat hasn't changed.
It stayed the same for you.

Because the white hot fire eventually
dulls to a soft red,
Because I wish to forget you,
and all the things you said.
Because there is no happiness without
the twist of dark.

Because I can't stand invisible ink,
I want to leave a mark.

is better than going to a fancy restaurant, or a party of people we don’t know

it’s better than commutes on the train with you,

or walking in the rain with you

partly because when your eyes are closed you look so at peace

partly because of your even breathing,

partly because of your love for big sweatshirts

partly because of our intertwined hands passing warmth between us.

It is hard to believe when I’m with you that time exsists at all

that the planet is spinning, and the whole universe is expanding,

and the stars twinkle on the other side of the earth

leaving us so small and weak, laying in the rays of the warm sun

that come streaming through my window

and your chest rising and falling, and you hair spread out on the pillow,

and the dust around us falling more slowly than usual



and

the tick of the clock, and the sound of still air, and the occasional creak

of the wooden floor doesn’t seem real, and in this house,

in this room, I share with you my sanctuary of silence,

for you are my only grasp on reality, yet you pull me

into the unknown

at the very

same

time



I look

at you, and I would rather look at you than all the rock stars in the world

except for maybe The 1975, because their concerts are incredible

but if we went to see them together, I’d have both to enjoy

if I went alone, I’d have fun dancing and singing along,

but I’d rather us be together,

and we’d kiss to the intro of fallingforyou.

I’d rather us be together, I’d rather watch you jump to the beat of the music

and in the comfort of my house, I’d rather watch you twirl around

in my living room to the music in our heads.

or we can just nap together

because taking a nap with you is peaceful, and quiet and soft

and better than everything else