They always say, "the past repeats,"
but ours can never again.
We were sworn together with knots,
and bled together with needles and thorns.
our window is closing
on the 70 mph highway
because too many bees flew into the car.
Your batteries are dead and my
charger is torn apart.
Your nicotine breath has staled,
and the fire's out of wood.
We can try to write a new script,
but sequels are never as good.

what a world it is
in which we reside.
we've come to the point
where we've lost all our
wonder.
as a species,
we act as though
there is nothing left to discover!
all we are
are satisfaction-seekers
and to have anything
unanswered
would
be
absurd!
this world we live in
is clogged up with "feelings"
and drowning in the pixels of
burning photographs doesn't seem
too steamy.
the concepts
which are thrived upon
are nothing more than perspective;
is that paper crumpled,
or is it a cultured crane?

The picture of you is getting worn out,
I bring it everywhere,
My back right pocket is where you are,
always.
It’s the only way I can think of
To have you be a constant part of my life.

It’s not supposed to be this way,
You’re supposed to be there for me,
always.
You shouldn’t have been ripped away from me like this,
All it’s done is bring me pain.
Mommy, the one thing I can never call you to your face.
Calling you by your name,
is what brings me the most pain.

I wish you knew that I loved you,
I wish you knew that if I could be with you,
I would.
I would do anything for you,
anything at all.
I wish you knew that everyday I cry over you,
and every night in my dreams,
I do to.
There is not a second of the day I’m not thinking of you,
no matter how hard I try, you always creep back into my mind.

I do what I do to make you proud,
I do what I do hoping you will approve.
I do what I do because I love you,
and don’t want you to think anything less of me.

I sit here all day,
And wonder,
what my life would be,
if you had stayed.
How it would be different,
How it would be the same.
I go through everyday,
Wondering what it would be like,
Imagining what it could be like,
Imagining the person I could have been.
I wonder how you would be different,
How Daddy would be different.
I wonder everything.

I wonder if you had a time machine,
and you could go back to the start,
and erase what you had done,
if you would.
Erase me from your mind,
erase me from your soul.

Those other kids don’t know what it’s like,
to be ripped away at such a young age,
to be taken from the only thing you know,
to be taken from the only thing you love,
And placed in the hands of someone else,
who doesn’t move the same,
sound the same,
feel the same.
The pain doesn’t end,
and I can’t stop the wondering.

The tears stream down my face,
I’ve lost something I can never replace.
The tears drip on the picture of you,
smearing the ink.

Momma I miss you,
Momma I love you,
Momma I need you,
Momma why don’t I get to have you?

You cry, I cry
I cry, You cry
The cycle never ends
In this crazy ride called life
We only have each other
To talk to
To be ourselves with
So close it feels like we are one
But we are really two
Connected by sharing every thought,
Every detail of this ride
The ride that ***** our breath away,
Makes us want to die
Makes us soar higher than the sky
A ride full of adventure, love, hate, and joy
This ride doesn't end for a long time
So I’m glad I have YOU.

Triggers everywhere,
reminding me of you,
of me,
of everything we had.
The trigger's pulled,
the flashbacks go boom, boom.
Killing me,
relentlessly.
Tearing me apart inside,
but on the outside, I look fine.
My mind plays a heartless game,
I can't take much more,
I wish I could just die.
Breathing fast,
heart racing.
Look around the room.
Hold it together, it'll pass.
But soon that rationale is gone,
I'm dying.
Full on panic, fight or flight gone wrong.
Just wanna curl up in a ball, cry, die.
I just can't take it anymore, you're everywhere.
The smallest things bring it back,
make me wanna quit,
give up on the little bit I have left, that little bit of life.
I'm going insane cause of the pain,
I cry out,
no one's listening,
I'm screaming now,
why can't anybody hear me?
It's like I'm drowning, while watching everyone else breathe.
I put the trigger to my head, and pull.
Boom, boom.
And this time, there’s beautiful silence.

When you were little, you played with toys in this room. But now, you play with razors.
Instead of drawing with crayons, you draw with razors.
I always knew I'd grow out of my toys someday, but I never thought I'd replace them with razors.
The razors dance across my skin, carving a story only I can understand.
These razors are my toys now.
Sitting in my childhood room, blood flowing from my wrists and tears pouring from my cheeks,
I wonder why I had to grow up.

March.
The month I was born,
brought into the world.
March.
The month where it all got ripped away.
Everything I ever knew,
everything I ever loved,
taken away and replaced,
with something new,
something strange.
It didn’t move the same,
feel the same,
sound the same.
The month,
now a days,
where I experience the most pain.
Most kids would be happy it’s their birthday,
but not me,
at least anymore.
I know now that that day
Was the most traumatic incident of my life.
The day my everything was taken away.