Oh what I would give
To be oblivious and innocent
Oh what I would give
To undo the things I did
Oh what I would give
To go back to being a little kid

i can leave you alone.
i won't text you
or call you.
i'll sit as far away as i can from you.
i will no longer tell others
of how you're mine.
but the distance cannot stop my brain
from recalling memories.
all the distance on the couch.,
cannot stop my eyes from wandering to your messy hair or piercing green eyes.
it won't guard me from remembering your voice
or how in love with you i am.
a love as powerful as mine
cannot be damaged by such a measly tool
as the distance you want.

She is clumsy
but on the outside
she is elegant

She is wise beyond her years
but on the outside,
She trips over her words

She has troubled thoughts
but on the outside,
She smiles

She is in love
but on the outside,
She cannot meet his gaze

She cries during any movie with emotion
but on the outside,
She is untouchable and cold-hearted

She is a hopeless romantic
but on the outside,
She is a lonely pessimist

She is a vulnerable girl
but on the outside,
all you can see is her walls

Lurk against the wall
Stunning rose wallpaper
Have things explained
Look around for an exit
Stairs somehow too far away
And not that subtle
What is it that you can say?
Describe exactly the difference between two shades of gray
Or exactly what it’s like to see the floor disappear
To disappear yourself
To know absence as violent
These things have no words
So you are silent

If I could love
the limping
ugly
afraid
part of me
That I drag through the mud
and thorns

If I could let
the transparent
clawing
screaming
silhouette speak
Instead of kicking it
into the basement

If I could put
my deepest human essence
onto paper
for everyone to see

Then.
Then, I could be free.