Falling
This notion of the ground slipping away
Circumstances make people become-
Different
Hardens them somehow
Emotion takes its toll,
Wears you out,
Tires you
If you hurt long enough-
It’s easier to be hollow
Trust me
Falling
When you can’t remember which way is up-
Things like being more
Or is it less?
Of, well anything
Don’t seem to matter
Solid ground
Like cold, wet, cement after the rain
Something real to latch onto
To stop the dizzying spiral
Something
Someone
To ground you
Remind you who you are
To bring you back
From the dead
Or is it ******?
Knowing the breadcrumbs are there
To lead me back
Is how I know
I’ll survive the fall

Age,
Has tale tell signs that show up in the mirror
Reminding us of things we’ve done
When I look into the mirror I still see my childhood self
I sit across from you and wonder
How 8 year old me
Knows such a mature, intelligent grownup
Who knew that fleeting moments gather at the end?
I smile
A genuinely happy smile and chuckle
I have no words to explain
How absurd life is
How funny time is
How we’re still standing

And until this very moment
I was that kid
Who returned a shy whisper across the aisle
Without a thought of the future
So I smile
A genuinely happy smile and chuckle
Because everything has changed
And nothing has
At the same time

Looking for love
In the wrong places
Looking for something not on faces
Something different, something above
Your(e) average

Looking for love
But not chases
Not willing to search in small places
To cliché is it like a dove
Flying in the face of what matters

Looking for love
Not just traces
Or a million roses in vases
Something right that fits like a glove
That’s what you’re looking for
Looking for love

I’ve been told a lot of things in my lifetime
To varying degrees of certainty (mine) and veracity (theirs)
To say the least
With the sudden nature of being
******
Into maturity, I realize that the stock I placed into these things-
The beliefs of others
Has no more lift than a pig’s wings
I’ve been allowing the smoke and mirrors (theirs) to out shadow the truth (mine)
But to what end?
Amongst the smoldering rubble of the burnt bridges (theirs)
Lays a soul (mine)
So send out the dogs to search for a sign of life

No one is perfect
Or expected to be
Unless you happen to share a gene or two with this sort
And as if their generation was completely right
(the pattern of perceived perfection is a long lineage)
They pass their judgment
One generation to the next
The gossip makes its way across state lines
The tale of manipulation and corruption
Bred within our borders
Finds its place with mythical tales
Of mobsters and cat burglars
On cops

You work your magic
Sweet-talking people out of money
Not even Satan’s speech was so smooth
Talent for memorizing numbers
Credit card
Pin
But not your grandmother’s
Stuns all
If she knew of your antics
Pallbearers would have a heavy load
But fear not
Keeping secrets from the old and feeble
Is our talent

I wish I could say what it feels like
But I can only tell you what it looks like from here-
Far away, behind these eyes that long to
Blink, to close, to pause
To cry
My eyes don’t lie- and sometimes I wish they would
But the truth, my thoughts, my
Feelings
Are always written, right there,
Far away, behind these eyes that long to
Blink, to close, to pause
To cry

Every time I open my mouth
Another chance to tell you goodbye
Evades me
I stutter and sit in silence
Unable to get rid of you
I find myself telling you anything
To make you jealous or angry or something
Except what you are
And you
Avoid each comment, each story
Side stepping every avenue
To say something
But I know what you think
I know how you feel
But you won’t say it
And I can’t say goodbye
So
Here we go again