follow dreams like you are madly in love with chaos
& spirals.
see purpose where you once saw boxes filled with empty-ness & insecurity.
seek truth beyond,
it lives within you.
only depth exists in being,
being vast,
being an empath.
being a psychopath.  
seeking new pathways?
seek paths that just might lead you down rabbit holes that leads to a straight road of prosperity & wondrous ways of existing.

im losing my mind..
its violent
but for some reason when i look close enough i see a glimpse of what i once considered
sanity.
its strange.
-
all of the new beginnings i begged for; on bended knees with so much hope and surety, are so close in reach but so far from logic...

look outside your window,
is it god that you see?
or is it just
"winds and rain,
and it should be over soon..."
-
if you might live to see another day,
i encourage you to live a different way
for you are not pleasing under the eye.
-
disconnect yourself from what keeps you scheduled
and hindered,
re-connect to the source from which you came.

as one chapter closed and another one opened..
   its just as i expected.

sometimes i am mad,
sometimes i want to cry.
sometimes i am sad,
sometimes i question why.
sometimes i get angry and say that im through..
but every-time i am distracted by how much i love you.

why when i speak practical people look at me strange?
when i say "just think positively" they brush it off, am i deranged?
so accustomed to the struggle, "being broke ain't nothing funny."
as if happiness and things of value only come in form of money.
i know you cant give happiness as a payment when your rent is due.
& nothing in life is free, but should money be all that we pursue?
were we created to work our *** off, pay bills then die?
or live our lives to the fullest & appreciate the highs.
the lows are distracting,
they are the cause of struggles we go through.
money doesn't run the world, people with money do.
why do we believe that money is everything?
that it is the only thing that we need to achieve.
when with life values you become blessed, & the universe gives you everything you need.
there's beauty in the struggle because there's valuable lessons,
don't chase the money, chase your dreams because your passion holds your blessings.
don't feed into the 'perfect picture'.
why the rich become richer?
why the poor never see more?
what we really living for?
don't let money determine your happiness,
don't let it make you, control yourself.
life is full of riches, money ain't the only wealth.
speak abundance in your life,
worry less & you gain more.
find out what your purpose is,
find out what you really living for.

all of these words and these rhymes spilt,
yet still i can barely find any to share..
all of the time spent,
searching time zones and time lengths
yet there's nothing that even comes to mind.
when im in your presence,
im supposed to be present.
is it me or is it me?
cause if its me,
ill say with me im outspoken
with nothing unspoken...

what will you do without social connections
or material possessions?
without the food source
and food stores that cater to convenience but **** you slowly..
when will you realize your thoughts and habits,
they wreak havoc…
-
systems are falling,
what is strong will survive.
judgement is here and
no one man alive will escape her,
you’re in face of the mother of the nature of the earth.

am i too old to fall back into the feelings i felt in my younger years?
am i too grown to take a razor to my wrist,
to dismiss all of my fears.
what a chilling reunion that would be.
am i too old to fall apart?
i am too old to not have my **** together.
at 21, depression is mindset.
**** it up at 21.
you wore sadness so well at 14,
15,
16,
17,
18,
19,
20.
it’s getting old, give it up.
sadness never lasts that long,
ignore the voices in your head,
you’re a big girl,
move on.
though my demons never went away,
i simply got used to them poking at my heart,
taunting my mind,
mocking my progress.
how far am i behind?

my juices flow openly,
please never let go of me.
spill yourself and
let your scent linger throughout my depth so that i can find my way back to you.
this energy speaks for itself,
sometimes it takes full control,
full throttle
with cheat codes,
to unlock my beast mode...
i will always find my way back to you.
-
my essence can heal you
just show me the real you.

its not a lover i need to fulfill my desires,
it is a partner consistent in growing through the madness
and only seeing its potential.

i got favor,
im the favorite.
innocent
yet dangerous.
i observe and i adjust.
do you believe?
or can you trust what you may never understand?

drafting poems,
storing data.
now im alpha
i was beta.
-
now im meta,
im better.
im great.
so wavy,
im vibin',
clean slate.
-

your role is not one of mastery,
its motherly.
you serve as portal
of a world so otherly.
you are guardian
and guidance,
confidant,
enlightened.
a protector by all means,
an example
and all seen.
influencer of cycles repeated,
dear god,
please take responsibility
you are in need
and you are needed.

he said nothing lasts forever so let's not get our hopes up,
i say anything is possible
or maybe
close enough.
we may not exist in the physical,
able to physically touch
and with visual.
but we can still surf the cosmos,
meet me on a frequency.
speak to me.
down until the death,
no theory poses threat.
we can live forever if we want to,
we can love forever if you want to.

you don't get to decide if i live or die.
not really living anyway, just tryna survive.
i do not understand.
i do not comprehend,
tell me the difference between without & within.

killed off the truth, power hungry fools.
******' up the youth with destructive tools.
mother nature, you must hate her.
running out of time, meet your maker.

low frequencies, high radiations.
altered truth, complete defamation.
too controlling, control yourself.
too focused on controlling wealth.
abject in health.

i say restart the world, give us a chance.
to make things better, to understand.

i got favor,
im the favorite.
innocent
yet dangerous.
observing,
im adjusting.
are you worthy?
are you trusting?
would you dare to understand?
am i god?
from rib of man?
am i scarce
upon the land?

i’m stuck...
writing about past feelings and beginners luck.
running from emotions,
while still holding onto trust
that if life should take its course;
no self-ish motive or care,
there’s nothing wether high or low
that i should ever fear..
-
im learning rhymes heal wounds
but only for awhile,
growing up is tragic  
i may always be a child.
filled on magic
always wild,
chaotic,
misunderstood..
but everything will always come together
as it should.

unable to tell you
exactly what's going on inside my head,
so i write instead.
feeling so misunderstood,
longing to be understood.
so much to say,
who would listen?
mind racing.


                                       pacing.

this physical life re-created by men
of deception,
fueling false perceptions
and misconceptions
isn't everything..
isnt anything...

as things arise, i let them come..
as they start to become distant,
new found interests
or fed up with my inconsistence..
i let them go.