attention is expensive to pay,
not moved by the things that you say.
you feel a way,
it’s okay.
-
secure in the thought of not needing nobody,
but i be wanting somebody.
someone strong & passionate,
who can challenge the fear
of the unknown & the reality of what is right here.
someone kind and complacent
not weak and abrasive.
no words that can take him,
even if i do say so myself.
-
you’re the one and i see that,
& my reaction is a react.
not a distraction,
it’s a relapse.

wether black or white,
dark or light
energy sees no separation.
nothing is different in the eyes of love.
we come from love.
we come from one.
no different colors,
no different races.
no judging beauty
based off of faces.
we are just one small part of creation,
take a look around you.
it is not all about you.
and it’s you;
you are the one whose destroying the earth.
you are the one thats decreasing in worth.
it is you whose so entitled,
fake egos
and fake idols.
you see nothing but yourself.
you are the ones that brought the hell.

i tried to chase happiness.
but i find comfort in the opposite.
i find comfort in a state of, nothingness.
positively speaking,
i am positive
that i belong to the darkness.
& darkness isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

i value sadness,
i love to see happiness in the hearts of those i love.
but my heart says that’s enough,
too much peace, it’s had enough.
chaos is what it feeds on.
no rainbows after the rain gone.
only scars after the pain.
even with love, it’s still the same.

ill love the love that loves my darkest days.
that never tries to find new ways,
to change who i am.
i am who i am.
i smile at a full moon,
i laugh amongst the stars.
& i find the greatest things in life
formed from my darkest scars.
my darkened heart needs love too.
in dark ways,
my dark view.

"see that's your problem,
you don't know of who your god is.
although, i've seen you with my own eye
face demons & conquer them while blind;
while sacred energies turn you inside-out,
as curses fall from words of mouth
by who claimed worthy of your grace & your submission.
ive seen you pose as weakest link,
then switch position.
-
see, there’s no problem now,
i realize who god is."

the sound of your voice lingers through my body at midnight;
and your smile is an image my mind cannot erase.
i keep checking my phone to see if i missed a call from you.
i still dream of you.
i still pray for you.
im still wishing on a star that it could all just work out.

i want a beautiful life filled with beautiful people.
ones that see the world for what it truly is & what it can possibly become again.
i want to greet fears with grins and laughter
& overcome the greatest obstacles with a heart that shows gratitude through its will to live.
i want to have wise, amazing, genius children that carry in them the dna of everything that i stand for.
i want to grow with them.
i want to fall madly in and out of love with someone that makes every inch of pain feel so worth it that i won’t even notice it hurts.
who makes all of my days seem so short that it’s unreasonable.
a love that holds me tight as i slowly die in its arms.
i want a life partner that understands life challenges,
who teaches me by simply being.
who’s not territorial or completely obsessive,
& has more honor and respect than expectations.
fairytale ending or tragedy,
i just want to live on the edge of every possibility.
mad or completely insane,
it’s all the same.
i just want to live.

would you put off moments for a later date?
would you let mud settle,
await the clearing of mental state?
would you avoid desirable connectings
until the ideal space appears
before your eyes?
you would?
so will i.

fuller lips,
thinner thighs  
or thicker hips,
a girl can dream,
can she?
dreams that go beyond a following increase  
or a modern day feast consisting of eats that deplete
your center.
-
what might you do without your central processing unit?
how will your intuition guide,
where will the universe have space to assist in your alignment?

as masculine energy rises,
counter-parts are threatened
& then the wheel of the ego
is clenched tight;
because how dare you act within your nature of whole,
you feminine,
all divine,
all being?
-
who gave you ***** to bounce folk up out of your space
as if they don’t align?
who gave you lines?
who gave you ability to set standards?
better yet,
who gave you feet to stand firm in your truth?
to be stand-offish?
or at a stand-still.
who?
-
"control your yang,
tame your beast."
said those whom fed the same beast when it served them most.

11:11,
with heads to the heavens
i preach words of the holy one
like i am a reverend.
i speak words into the universe,
i am aware & i know,
that my faith is decider
of how far i go.
my mind is a weapon,
my love is a drug,
my soul has the depth of the oceans.
my creator accepting,
sends love from above,
bringing all the good vibes into motion.

i am deep in relations
with a deeper meaning;
familiar to a larger view
of a picture that most
can only see a spec.
so when i’m distant
don’t you take it
as a form of disrespect,
or neglect.
my space
is required,
my ability to function
is in compliance with
my ability to be silent.
in solitude
i confide and
they say no man is an island,
i am an island,
isolated.
separated.
never to be integrated.

9 to 5,
i survive.
i don’t live but im alive.
i still give though im deprived.
-
i hold my head high,
& keep my dreams low.
my talents are like secrets,
no one can know.
-
more money in the clubs,
more money on materials.
more money on more money,
still we lack.
it’s irreal.

does a door have a lock?
are the walls even up
or high enough to comprehend what's beyond?
is anyone up there?
-
intertwining,
like healthy attachment;
mind seems empty handed yet still full continually.
who needs love anyway?
what is love anyway?
does love will to ease the tension,
where do words come in question?
-
run on sentences paint never ending stories of mine;
where i contemplate lines,
go out of mind,
& far enough in time to keep me vibin' high atleast...
-
i keep secrets far enough to keep me center,
i dont keep secrets more than anyone keeps guard.
whatever coin i flip,
im in process of aligning to destiny,
no questions
& if i question then that question is but an idea.

when vision forms genuine,
pointed fingers become magick wands.
knots within backs
& stiff joints show up to be new levels that advise you
to stretch out to new growth.
-
trap music became sacred space.
like sounds of potential world endings,
like thunderstorms speak in ancient language,
how far have we strayed?
how much farther might we go?
-
in this age,
platforms with distraction as incentive
aid in focus & ascension,
how is that for a plot twist?
the tables turned;
now the mesh at the neck of the sun one
is melting just like ice in frozen habitat.
-
as we evolve in specie,
the dark is rising.

i’m bored now with commanders that force...
to command is like to force,
to demand is to endorse activation & alignment
by whatever your intention must be.
-
so your intention must be what you will to see,
being,
displayed before all seeing eye.
-
i’m surrounded by commanders of flame...
commanders beyond games
upon chess boards.
pure input,
raw export of what no longer serve we.
-
fall as waste or
stand in grace,
if you are worthy.

they say im so silent.
i say no one ever listens anyway..

the universal forces are seeking revenge.
with energies so violent,
they are here to avenge
the dying hearts.
strung out like an addict,
with scars that depict
abuse and oppression.
with raging aggression,
biting back like i should have.
fighting back like i would have if it werent for the daze,
now the love spell has fade.
nice to meet you,
im karma.
counting all of your days.

just yesterday i saw myself as shadow,
like i thought id never see up close;
too busy running from ghost
like spirit guides ain't qualified enough to lead me nowhere.
-
like to realize that i am nothing
& to nothing i must return
was washed clean from every story ever written…
are you asleep?
-
3 hours of rest is like reset these days.
as i arise i watch the blessings pervade my space
& lift my chin to keep my head high
& way above the thought of what to do.
-
what do i do with my hands or my heart?
what do i do with these emotional cycles of digging deep,
in search of truth that show me love
& show me why my feelings take me
into deep, dark acts of energy exchange.

mind games played by the hands of self
teach me how
i am my own boulder caught still in my own way.

"this is not to say that i wont ever feel anything for anyone, ever again.. but i will avoid everything i feel for anyone.. at all cost!" *

2 years.. left me broken, insecure, lost.
you tried to pick up the pieces but you failed.. was it my fault? was i too much of something too broken?
i knew i was.. & i warned you. you persisted.
my biggest fear has always been opening up to someone because in the end, i am left alone. by myself. where i started.. but with each time, the temperature drops and it leaves my heart a little bit colder than before.
i told you my fears, i made attempts to clarify my actions.. all you needed was time, i made time out of the little energy i had left..all i needed was time yet you didn't have that.
far from ready, i ignored what i felt in preparation to fix myself because i valued all that you seemed to be.
i was willing and even tho trust has gotten me nowhere and my mind kept reminding me how unloveable i am.. i still dropped all doubt, to fall freely into the words you spoke to me while at my lowest point.
you saved me above all else..
you made me realize how much i didnt realize.
but even tho at that point you made me feel so high, somehow you left me feeling lower than before.
now of all the things i realized, what i realize most is words are a waste. they sound good, and they seem essential but all they really bring is false hope and they channel feelings that are not backed by actions.
now, i dont hear anything.. words fall on deaf ears.
whatever is spoken is dismissed by my fears.

i'm done holding in
& holding onto lines
so thin that they break just by my stare alone...
& ive been told,
my eyes were cold
but are they deadly?
& ive been told to fix my tone of voice,
though my tone of choice is mute.
how hard can it be to speak truth while staying silent?
while in a crowd of violent sounds
on 3D grounds
where they make crowns of thorns
for those whom come to warn of mass destruction.
i'm letting go of "things"
& maybe, i’m adjusting?

in my defense,
im rugged-hard,
flavorless,
my counting scars lasts light years
& my fears are made up like words are.
-
my reality is reflected by the state of my mind,
in this space within time,
im shifting worlds & paradigms because its the life i choose.
we all get choices;
to be free or not to be.
we all get choices;
to hear voices that live within the head-space
that guide you to a place of no ending.

perhaps you're right;
it is a man's world...
for if it still belonged to the nature of the "woman"
it would still exist
in perfect balance & harmony.
-
im not saying that men have potentially f-cked everything up,
im just saying...
isnt this world
a man's world?

i am here
& i am plugged into the aether,
get it?
just let your pride & your ego be your teacher.
-
there are no lies
& there lies no interest in staging moon-landings so
there is no way to erase my foot-print from surface of potential being,
i am being.
i am here.
can you hear me?
living energy,
beware if you get near me.
just stay clear me.
-
are we living?
are we jivving?
are we giving?
are we so afraid of light that we wear sunscreen
to keep out energy from source with source info & light codes
to keep you vibin’…
i keep attracting light beings now we tribed up & we thriving.
-
what do you bring to the table? & if you can,
are you able to make this short & sweet
as time is money
& money looking scarce these days.
not being funny get your coins up tho.
this raw material.

stillness,
without movement,
without willingness to go anywhere.
=

this world is bland;
taste-less,
color-less,
odor-less.
i thought i might use you to fill a void.
-
i lost my home then found you,
seeking home too.
i thought id join you on your quest to save tomorrow.
-
i learned your ears were tone deaf
when you couldn't hear me sing.
i knew your eyes were color blind &
you could barely see a thing of who i tried to be for you,
then for myself...
in this world where nothing really matters at all.

you know,
its in my nature to indulge within my sacral.
-
i can make energy exchange creative enough to bring new life,
i can even switch it up,
channel the 'best night of your life’.
-
through just one mood,
or flow of thought,
i possess within my source
abilities to have you rise
or have you fall,
to have you bowing at my feet at just one call.
-
but instead of f-cking with your head
or putting you to bed,
i use this energy as leverage.
keep a build up
& a back-up.
while you seek ‘*******’ bout the money,
the feminine just got her stack up,
its a come-up,
one you feel deep in your core though.
don’t knock at doors
if you’re not ready to explore though.

im filled with god-energy,
im moving with the speed
and the seeds ive been sowing
are harvesting and growing.
my true colors are showing,
im gleaming,
glaring,
        glowing.

even in the darkest times,
i shine bright like sun rays.
always fighting with the shadows
whem im stuck in my ways.
i am genetically equipped with mystic tools of love and light.
its in my blood,
my dna consists of everything thats light.
light being,
light body.
one spirit,
one mind.
one soul
so divine and so near to sublime.
changing the course,
ill change the rate of the world.
even if that means carrying weight of the worlds.
i am chosen,
with faith now restored.
seeking a truth,
now beyond the explored.

mind,
body
and
spirit.
the all-encompassed trinity.
from 1 came 2,
and from 2
came divinity.

days go by fast,
nights never last.
lonely comes,
lonely goes.
we think we know
but no one knows.
we get caught up in the spur of moments,
we know the only thing we have is a moment.
-
no future promised,
lets be honest,
lets appreciate whats here.
before we lose it all,
lets make the most of what we share.
lets love and care.
so reckless,
and without resisting
in honor of a love within our very existing.
-
less thought,
whats meant to be seen will show.
less worry,
when you see it you'll know.
lets grow,
lets go beyond the point of modern day love.
lets lose ourselves,
a great escape beyond the modern day, love.
-
cliff dive,
head first from the highest of heights.
create the highest of highs.
amongst the heavenly skies that cheer us on.

you must be real hefty;
you broke free of a love that gripped so tight.
a love that held on with dear life.
a love that saw no wrong or right.
won’t let you go without a fight.

while you claim power,
sit on thrones;
i exalt the lowly ones.
no one man better than the next,
each one deserves acclaimed respect.
your horse high like your heels,
you say money is your power.
i come through and devour your opinions,
they dont matter.
a dollar holds no weight in the higher space.
in the sunken place everything praises ego.
you lack necessities now you are seeking hero.
in need of rescue,
let your money protect you.

the urge to be loved is slowly turning me savage.