you.
like an inconsistent phase.
you either love me timelessly
or leave me aching for days.

you know,
its in my nature to indulge within my sacral.
-
i can make energy exchange creative enough to bring new life,
i can even switch it up,
channel the 'best night of your life’.
-
through just one mood,
or flow of thought,
i possess within my source
abilities to have you rise
or have you fall,
to have you bowing at my feet at just one call.
-
but instead of f-cking with your head
or putting you to bed,
i use this energy as leverage.
keep a build up
& a back-up.
while you seek ‘*******’ bout the money,
the feminine just got her stack up,
its a come-up,
one you feel deep in your core though.
don’t knock at doors
if you’re not ready to explore though.

attention is expensive to pay,
not moved by the things that you say.
you feel a way,
it’s okay.
-
secure in the thought of not needing nobody,
but i be wanting somebody.
someone strong & passionate,
who can challenge the fear
of the unknown & the reality of what is right here.
someone kind and complacent
not weak and abrasive.
no words that can take him,
even if i do say so myself.
-
you’re the one and i see that,
& my reaction is a react.
not a distraction,
it’s a relapse.

too much of this,
not enough of that.
too much focus
on what you lack.
face what you fear,
don’t turn your back.
be still,
when enemies attack.
-
this is a new era.
maybe if you knew better,
you would do better.
-
it’s all the same.
be careful of the things you say
& what you entertain.
perception makes the sane,
seemingly insane.
a quiet storm,
before it turns into a hurricane.
rarely see a rainbow in the sky
after the rain.
-
it makes you think.
when you connect the dots,
you’ll find that you’re the missing link.
make your next move in a silence
or your ship will surely sink.
true elevation is my destiny
& i am at the brink.




-

why do you always look mad?
like the world let you down
then led you down roads that end dead.
-
your dull expression;
it makes me question what goes on within you,
is it eating you away?
will you go or will you stay?

this world is bland;
taste-less,
color-less,
odor-less.
i thought i might use you to fill a void.
-
i lost my home then found you,
seeking home too.
i thought id join you on your quest to save tomorrow.
-
i learned your ears were tone deaf
when you couldn't hear me sing.
i knew your eyes were color blind &
you could barely see a thing of who i tried to be for you,
then for myself...
in this world where nothing really matters at all.

because dis-service aims to serve no one,
instability is a platform fit for few to browse upon.
& maybe i should cleanse.
deep cleanse.
--
how am i so aware of chaos?
how am i so aware still indulgent in chaos?
why would i create something i will not enjoy.

i'm going one way then the other,
one way or another.
-
if one way isn’t flowing try a next way.
if monday isn't showing try a next day.

sometimes tears are hard to find like clean air & clean water was,
before earth restored itself to golden age.
-
when rage & aggression falls as peers whom pressure you to use sacred energy as moonshine to heal self-inflicted wounds.
-
"be gentle with them for they are you."

i tried to chase happiness.
but i find comfort in the opposite.
i find comfort in a state of, nothingness.
positively speaking,
i am positive
that i belong to the darkness.
& darkness isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

i value sadness,
i love to see happiness in the hearts of those i love.
but my heart says that’s enough,
too much peace, it’s had enough.
chaos is what it feeds on.
no rainbows after the rain gone.
only scars after the pain.
even with love, it’s still the same.

ill love the love that loves my darkest days.
that never tries to find new ways,
to change who i am.
i am who i am.
i smile at a full moon,
i laugh amongst the stars.
& i find the greatest things in life
formed from my darkest scars.
my darkened heart needs love too.
in dark ways,
my dark view.

from the concrete, i grew.. a rose, more thorns than petals.
withering & dull.

growing has been deceptive.
i stopped cutting my wrists and my thighs, i stopped drowning myself in depressing music to cope with depressing thoughts. no longer walking with my head down, no longer crying myself to sleep each night; pillows smothering cries that are loud in the most silent way possible.
to the days *** & intimacy were ways to cope with issues deeper than me.
where being invisible was the only thing i dreamt of.
the desire to just fall off of the face of the earth, to disappear into my darkness and no longer feel anything. i was happier than i ever even realized.

now, i bottle things up. i DEAL..
i don't cry, i don't cut, i deal.
i put a smile on my face and keep my head high, i am the imperfectly painted image that could define the word strong.
i speak positivity, i breathe, i meditate and i know how to channel better energies.. but i am still numb.
though i seem strong, i am still weak! weak because i shut down! i let situations make me cold and hard.. no longer soft and sweet, i no longer feel anything so how does happiness get to play its role in my life?
whatever happens to me, i take and i make situations that should destroy me look like child's play.
there is fire beneath my skin and i am unintentionally still broken.
ive made peace with the parts of me that tell me to give in and that i need someone.
i cant give in.. and i don't need nobody.. nobody needs me
but, i need someone?
being strong is lonely.
being lonely makes me feel weak.
too dependent on myself... "i cannot depend on nobody" so i don't need nobody.
too afraid to let them near me, i would rather be alone than to return to my brokenness. i choose me. i choose lonely over the bittersweet feeling of having someone, because you never really have someone like you wish you did... but i need somebody?

alone with myself, alone with my thoughts..
mind racing because im infatuated with the idea of perfection and control. the only form of perfection i need is the perfect way to get over myself and let go.
i think too much because i am too alone with me.
i don't give anyone the chance to be alone with me because i am busy being alone with myself.
can someone handle all that comes with me? how will i know when the only interaction i have with people consists of me realizing how incapable they are of ever having me on the levels i want to give myself..
i love me. and i know you love me too.. but i love me way more than you.

credit is due,
years go by
& through the grace of whatever god takes credit
for my levels of super intelligence,
imagination takes me far to distant worlds.
-
charge your chakras & your crystals by the light,
feed your shadows in the darkness of the neigh
drawing near to your sun sign.
& sunshine will forever bring you purity.
-
how long is forever?
what tools do you measure?
what jewels do you treasure
in your chest?
near your heart source,
atleast try to keep your heart pure,
atleast the reward is much greater than the process.
-
lets try to measure progress by visual appearance,
find yourself in midst of forest,
seeking clarity & clearance
or your presence
or your pretence becomes you.
-
or your visuals become you
like your tongue is heavy & hold weight,
like whatever you say must pass through
pop filters,
& your sway is a simple dance to your own beat.
-
what level of comprehension?
how might you even see from the outside looking in?
remember,
judgement falls back onto the same soil.

in a world where every man stands for himself,
with low level systems
& light spectrum simulations.
i see blood in these red lights;
controlling hearts & minds
then leaving spirit zombie like.
-
its a time-shift.
its about time we come to shift.
new age,
new lay-lines.
new-earth,
new-paradigms.
-
though 10,000 fall at my side,
though ’normalcy’ & re-creation
will not to collide,
though systems try to **** off my vibe.
no death shall ever come near me.
-
we rise in frequency on the way to the higher realm of the crystal rainbow indigo earth.

days go by fast,
nights never last.
lonely comes,
lonely goes.
we think we know
but no one knows.
we get caught up in the spur of moments,
we know the only thing we have is a moment.
-
no future promised,
lets be honest,
lets appreciate whats here.
before we lose it all,
lets make the most of what we share.
lets love and care.
so reckless,
and without resisting
in honor of a love within our very existing.
-
less thought,
whats meant to be seen will show.
less worry,
when you see it you'll know.
lets grow,
lets go beyond the point of modern day love.
lets lose ourselves,
a great escape beyond the modern day, love.
-
cliff dive,
head first from the highest of heights.
create the highest of highs.
amongst the heavenly skies that cheer us on.

the sound of your voice lingers through my body at midnight;
and your smile is an image my mind cannot erase.
i keep checking my phone to see if i missed a call from you.
i still dream of you.
i still pray for you.
im still wishing on a star that it could all just work out.

wether black or white,
dark or light
energy sees no separation.
nothing is different in the eyes of love.
we come from love.
we come from one.
no different colors,
no different races.
no judging beauty
based off of faces.
we are just one small part of creation,
take a look around you.
it is not all about you.
and it’s you;
you are the one whose destroying the earth.
you are the one thats decreasing in worth.
it is you whose so entitled,
fake egos
and fake idols.
you see nothing but yourself.
you are the ones that brought the hell.

i want a beautiful life filled with beautiful people.
ones that see the world for what it truly is & what it can possibly become again.
i want to greet fears with grins and laughter
& overcome the greatest obstacles with a heart that shows gratitude through its will to live.
i want to have wise, amazing, genius children that carry in them the dna of everything that i stand for.
i want to grow with them.
i want to fall madly in and out of love with someone that makes every inch of pain feel so worth it that i won’t even notice it hurts.
who makes all of my days seem so short that it’s unreasonable.
a love that holds me tight as i slowly die in its arms.
i want a life partner that understands life challenges,
who teaches me by simply being.
who’s not territorial or completely obsessive,
& has more honor and respect than expectations.
fairytale ending or tragedy,
i just want to live on the edge of every possibility.
mad or completely insane,
it’s all the same.
i just want to live.

"come meet me in the middle of insanity
where the freaks come out at night to play in vanity.
they stay awhile
then turn up missing,
who's to blame?
the one that’s open
or the one playing the games…"
-
ill meet you in the middle
bring you clarity & peace,
bring you light years
of life energy
& show you how the freaks
come not at night
but they stay clear out of sight…
-

9 to 5,
i survive.
i don’t live but im alive.
i still give though im deprived.
-
i hold my head high,
& keep my dreams low.
my talents are like secrets,
no one can know.
-
more money in the clubs,
more money on materials.
more money on more money,
still we lack.
it’s irreal.

11:11,
with heads to the heavens
i preach words of the holy one
like i am a reverend.
i speak words into the universe,
i am aware & i know,
that my faith is decider
of how far i go.
my mind is a weapon,
my love is a drug,
my soul has the depth of the oceans.
my creator accepting,
sends love from above,
bringing all the good vibes into motion.

i’m bored now with commanders that force...
to command is like to force,
to demand is to endorse activation & alignment
by whatever your intention must be.
-
so your intention must be what you will to see,
being,
displayed before all seeing eye.
-
i’m surrounded by commanders of flame...
commanders beyond games
upon chess boards.
pure input,
raw export of what no longer serve we.
-
fall as waste or
stand in grace,
if you are worthy.

i am deep in relations
with a deeper meaning;
familiar to a larger view
of a picture that most
can only see a spec.
so when i’m distant
don’t you take it
as a form of disrespect,
or neglect.
my space
is required,
my ability to function
is in compliance with
my ability to be silent.
in solitude
i confide and
they say no man is an island,
i am an island,
isolated.
separated.
never to be integrated.

they say im so silent.
i say no one ever listens anyway..

the universal forces are seeking revenge.
with energies so violent,
they are here to avenge
the dying hearts.
strung out like an addict,
with scars that depict
abuse and oppression.
with raging aggression,
biting back like i should have.
fighting back like i would have if it werent for the daze,
now the love spell has fade.
nice to meet you,
im karma.
counting all of your days.

"this is not to say that i wont ever feel anything for anyone, ever again.. but i will avoid everything i feel for anyone.. at all cost!" *

2 years.. left me broken, insecure, lost.
you tried to pick up the pieces but you failed.. was it my fault? was i too much of something too broken?
i knew i was.. & i warned you. you persisted.
my biggest fear has always been opening up to someone because in the end, i am left alone. by myself. where i started.. but with each time, the temperature drops and it leaves my heart a little bit colder than before.
i told you my fears, i made attempts to clarify my actions.. all you needed was time, i made time out of the little energy i had left..all i needed was time yet you didn't have that.
far from ready, i ignored what i felt in preparation to fix myself because i valued all that you seemed to be.
i was willing and even tho trust has gotten me nowhere and my mind kept reminding me how unloveable i am.. i still dropped all doubt, to fall freely into the words you spoke to me while at my lowest point.
you saved me above all else..
you made me realize how much i didnt realize.
but even tho at that point you made me feel so high, somehow you left me feeling lower than before.
now of all the things i realized, what i realize most is words are a waste. they sound good, and they seem essential but all they really bring is false hope and they channel feelings that are not backed by actions.
now, i dont hear anything.. words fall on deaf ears.
whatever is spoken is dismissed by my fears.

paradigm shifts call for low rhythms & stillness,
wisdom calls with words of innocence
as love demands your great return.
all hail the very nature of being.
-
who are you still when separate worlds become one?
who are you when dark & light show will to collide?
who are you in the face of the eye that sees beyond what's man-made
still certain,
yet flexible.
-
i will speak where my spirit leads.
my mouth will open only when i am spoken to...
or spoken through.

even in the darkest times,
i shine bright like sun rays.
always fighting with the shadows
whem im stuck in my ways.
i am genetically equipped with mystic tools of love and light.
its in my blood,
my dna consists of everything thats light.
light being,
light body.
one spirit,
one mind.
one soul
so divine and so near to sublime.
changing the course,
ill change the rate of the world.
even if that means carrying weight of the worlds.
i am chosen,
with faith now restored.
seeking a truth,
now beyond the explored.

mind games played by the hands of self
teach me how
i am my own boulder caught still in my own way.

im filled with god-energy,
im moving with the speed
and the seeds ive been sowing
are harvesting and growing.
my true colors are showing,
im gleaming,
glaring,
        glowing.

perhaps you're right;
it is a man's world...
for if it still belonged to the nature of the "woman"
it would still exist
in perfect balance & harmony.
-
im not saying that men have potentially f-cked everything up,
im just saying...
isnt this world
a man's world?