I've loved only one
in my eighteen years
and stopped myself before
I could love another.

I grew up without
love, not knowing what
it felt like to
be loved or to
love someone else.

But now, I  know
what love is after
I've seen and experienced
it.

Except when I fell
in love, it was
only me who fell..

And I don't plan
on falling again unless
I know I will
be caught.

The words ring in my ears like a bell
“She’s so fat I can’t even stand it”
The echo haunts me as I try and hide myself
I try to hunch over, **** in, take up as little space as possible
Become invisible

But I don’t want to be invisible, I don’t even want to be thin
I want to soar like a bird
Stretch my wings and feel the wind run through them like flowers in a field
I’ve been told that I’m too big before and I always assumed they meant in my stomach or my thighs
But really I think they just meant my mind

Life is just
a bunch of hopes,
memories,
moments,
spur of joy,
running for euphoria,
fighting harder,
looking for security
but
essence lies in
Beautiful sadness

KPK