Even if my rib cages confined my heart away from you
Your ability to make it melt
would let my love drip through to you.

Can I send a secret note?
Some words for you alone
A meaning no-one else can find
For feelings still unknown

Can you keep that secret note?
And guard it with your heart
Please recall my words to you
For when we're worlds apart

deleted

-

I COME HOME
REEKING OF ******
NO ONE NOTICES
I THINK MY WORDS ARE
LOUDER WHEN THEY'RE IN
ALL CAPS I WISH THAT YOU COULD HEAR ME
WHY ARE WE ALONE?

I'M PRETTY HAPPY BUT
I NEED YOU
AND I WANT TO BE SOMEONE
YOU WANT

-

the most sickening of feels

when you want to write all the words
but its hard to write any

my mind races
but
the pen gushes
the keys stick
the paper is soggy
the interwebz is broke
my notebook is lost

i want to numb myself
all the ways

but i cant
not i wont
let my vices dictate me
because they have for so long
the ones we shared
and look where we ended up

now my muse
isn't even here to admire the work

the words
the lines
the stanzas
the verses

all written for him, and only him

will be unread by his eyes

I am stuck in the moment of time when
air refuses to fill my lungs
it feels a lot like drowning
above water
you see these conundrums
fill my palms like loose change
and I can’t seem to drop enough quarters into
the slot machine that is an attempt
at happiness
my smile put in his 2 weeks
8 years ago
and I’m still stuck waiting by the front door for him to come back
I’m still waiting for you to come back
like a postcard from a place I’ve visited too often
but never had the courage to visit a gift shop
I’ve been screaming at the man in the mirror
telling him to put on a ******* smile
like it’s a halloween costume
he is forced to wear everyday of the year
he can’t stand the arthritis on the clock
much too synonymous with his courage
he hasn’t had the ability to stand up to himself
since the day he fell of his bike
and tasted the burnt rubber on the asphalt
he can hear the earth sobbing to him off how the moon
continues to send him mixed signals
I can’t seem to swallow my pride
so I’ll fill up a bottle and sell it to the highest bidder
as if I am a ******* monument
of ‘ ******* it I should have said something’
There are too many suicide notes stuck on my fingertips
and my piano sounds a lot like a stomach full of butterflies
I can’t seem to differentiate between
mourning and morning
since the day I woke up smelling like a graveyard
9 years ago
I am a funeral soliloquy on repeat
and I can’t stand the ******* roses
and the ******* piano playing the butterflies that should have been dead years ago.

Was it worth it
Get a little bit higher
With your next hit
I thought I hated you
For all the smoke you blew
You and I walk on a fine line
You have these bad habits, like cigarettes
That you just can't quite
Oh brother ,oh brother
Let's just forgive and forget .