i’m high and alone
and my thoughts land on you

you in the summer
on the beach
exhausted from the sun and ocean

memories of how perfect you are
when you show yourself to the universe

you’re beautiful at home
but you’re drop dead gorgeous
when exposed to the world

i've loved and loved and loved so endlessly and so hard that i have yet to heal.

i have eaten my own words and felt the wrath of karma for far too long.

i understand life isn't always beautiful, but how am i supposed to survive without beauty?

am i to live with the bitter ache of this burning pain forever?

it is endless.

i am no longer okay.

i have lost all fight.

i will never be the same again.

why
is it that i feel unsatisfied?
am i constantly at the edge of ****** yet not able to reach it?

i feel lost,

without purpose.

why?

i have love and family,

but it's not enough.

why?

i still have this never ending feeling of need.

this growing pain that aches in the pit of my stomach lingers.

why
am i unfulfilled?
am i a shell of what was supposed to be?

warm and sunny days.

the sound of birds rustling their feathers.

breezy, summer mornings.

the taste of chocolate ice cream.

looking into each other's eyes.

the crash of the waves against the shore.

tight hugs from your favorite people.

the cry of a newborn baby.

buying a new pair of shoes.

smiling with genuine happiness.

sleeping in a cold room on a hot, summer day.

the sound of your favorite music.

putting on your favorite outfit.

laughing until your side aches.

visiting a place you have never been before.


remember these things.

keep them close.

tomorrow is not promised and this is your only chance.

to say i love him is an understatement.

to say he is my other half is just not enough.

there are no words to describe the need for him in my life.

day and night.
ocean and shore.

without him, i am not me.

i wonder what it feels like to live without worry.

is it like a flowing river, forever in motion, with nothing but the rocks to slow it down?

or is it like my childhood dog gnawing on a bone in my back porch?

to live without worry or true damage is a goal that will never be attainable.

to live a life of indifference.

i want it, i want it.