I can't grieve,
not for things I don't understand
not for things that haven't happened to me.
I can't offer you support or share your grief,
it's not my own and therefore, any emotions I feel or display,
is partially false.
I don't tell you this to be rude. I tell you because it's the truth.
It's a truth I feel I should expose. Don't ask me to grieve with you,
I cannot.
Don't ask me to feel and understand your pain always,
because I may not be able to.
Don't judge me for not being able to relate,
Sometimes it's just not possible.
In return I won't judge or ask of you anything I cannot do myself.
The truth is…I feel many things, deeply.
I feel pain, sorrow, anger, remorse, regret, happiness and nervousness.
I can feel them all but sometimes there are somethings I shut out.
Grieving, and experiences I myself have no idea how to handle or deal with. I shut them out, because sometimes there isn't room for more.
Truth, I think of myself as a cup.
I'm always filled to the brim with feelings to deal with.
If there's any room I'll share in yours. But trust me to decide if there's room.
The truth is I love too deeply, and care too much to feel much else. All I want is someone to understand that silence, repressed emotions, and anger are the only way I know to deal with it. I want someone to understand, I'm not being mean.
I'm surviving.