OK, I know it isn't Christmas so please excuse me for either being late or a whole lot early... So keep it mind this was just for the fun of it!
*Twas the night after Christmas, when all through the foreclosed house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings weren't hung by the chimney with care,
It was too late for St Nicholas, this year he wasn’t there.
The children weren't nestled all snug in their beds,
There were no visions of sugar-plums dancing in their heads.
Mamma on the park bench and me in my box,
I wished that Saint Nicholas had brought me a new pair of socks.
When out on the street there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my box to see what was the matter.
Away to the curb I flew like a flash,
Tore open my snow mask and threw up last night's hash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snows
Gave the luster of mid-day to my frozen toes.
When, what to my watering eyes and runny nose should appear,
But a pimped out sleigh, and eight filthy rich reindeer.
'Now Donald! Now, Mike! Now, Hillary and Bill!
Oh, Soros! Oh, Al! Oh, oh George and Barack!
To the top of Wall Street! To the Banks and their vaults!
Take it away! Take it away! Take it away alt!'
With a little old lady, not so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment she wasn't St Nick.
Slower than snails with curses she came,
And then she whistled, and shouted, and called us bad names!
As dry heaves after the wild turkey does fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, to the nation's coffers they cry.
To the house and senate they quickly flew,
Mortgaging the sleigh full of Toys and Saint Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard all the proof
The scribbling of something horned with a hoof.
As I put my snow mask back on my head turning around,
Down the street came the old lady with a single big bound.
She was dressed all in fine fur, from her head to her foot,
And her clothes were all diamond with glitter and loot.
A bundle of tax returns she had flung on her back,
And she looked like a peddler, just opening her pack.
Her eyes-how they twinkled! Her dimples how merry!
Her cheeks were like roses, her nose like a cherry!
Her droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the hair on her head was as white as the snow.
The stump of a pen she held tight in her teeth,
And the stench of her breath encircled her head like a wreath.
Se had a long nose with a huge wart on the end,
It shook when she laughed, on that you can depend!
She was chubby and plain, a right ugly old elf,
And I cried when I saw her, in spite of myself!
A wink of her eye and a twist of her head,
Soon gave me to know I had something to dread.
She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work,
And pulled out my return, and then turned with a ****.
Laying her finger aside of her nose,
And while giving me a nod, she stomped my frozen toes!
Then she sprang to her sleigh, to her team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the curse of a missile.
But I heard her exclaim, ‘ere she drove out of sight,
'Unhappy New Year to all, and to all a good-friggin-cold-night!'