I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to feel the impact of your absence
To see that you were taken by a substance
I'm sorry I was never there
Not once to wash away your fears
Nor tuck you in at night
Take away the fright
But the death I found lying sweetly in your eyes
Dug craters in my skin cells
Soft and precious little dents

I had to clean the blood away
Couldn't stand to see you there
So I scrapped and scrubbed
Until the thought of you had passed
But in this role, I was sickeningly miscast
And nothing could have stopped you
Not a single plead nor shriek
You left as fast as you had come
Without a cry nor squeak
And I could swear I saw you in the mirror
Walking hand in hand with death
But you did not look behind you
Not even at your ****

I'm sorry I didn't make it to the funeral
And I'm sorry I barely cried
I'm sorry that I let your sister see you while you died
I'm sorry that I blame you for my suffering
And that I'm still recovering

But most importantly
I'm sorry that I didn't save you
I'm sorry that it was too late
And I'm sorry I couldn't save you from the pain that drove you to your fate
That I couldn't take away your misery
Couldn't take away the evil
That you had to look for happiness inside a little needle

"My darling," he said, "I think we've lost our way. Take my hand, you're getting cold."
"I'm drunk and you're sad. Who's going to lead us home?"

The bottles been polished clean and his lips are still shaking. He said he likes to forget but can't, it hurts too much, and he has to sleep with the radio on. Daddy taught him how to shoot, showed him *******.

"I don't like death," he'd say, walking past the cemetery. "Why must we be so morbid?"
"Death validates life," I'd say, "And morbidity justifies the bruises on your bones."

He sighs."My dear, I fear you may have forgotten, we don't have a home."

They said we're like a metaphor for broken bottles
An abundance of inflicted pain smashed along the bathroom floor
But you're the source of the ****** foot prints that lead out the door
And I couldn't help but watch you leave
So now I have eyes like mirrors, that only reflect fears
You left my body drug stained and devoid of adolescence
I'm living off your moans that still echo in my head, while my screams fall short of ears to hear them
I long to get you out from under my skin
I poured my stomach down the drain and rid my chest of feeling
But your stone cold voice still plays around like the wind
So I tucked you away between my arteries but still you clawed at my veins
Your brutal cries of ****** cracked the empty bottles and now I'm sitting with the shards of glass you left behind - embedded to the crime scene
Even though it burns my skin to stay, I'm wishing that one day you'll return, and clean the blood away
But you haven't yet
And never will
So maybe I'll fall gracefully asleep, maybe fall six feet deep
And I'll wait for you at the shore line, where all the dead things wash up
And I'll put you back together with every remaining piece of my bones
So that then, you can never leave me