I look past my reflection in the mirror;
whale-sized thighs, and
arms too big for the oceans
rain pours down like sharp daggers
into my flesh, and I’m tired
teeth hurt, and I’m tired
heart pounding, and I’m tired
my mermaid waves leave my head like
an old porcelain doll, dying
and I’m tired
I teach my body how to stop needing,
in with the calories, and I’m tired
out with the calories, and I’m really tired
silent screams echo at the fake reflection
that stares blindly through the broken
mirrors
**** me up, I’m seeing stars tonight
bones aching, and I’m smiling
bullets to the head, and I’m smiling
painstakingly dancing through the night
till I’m void of nothing,
they say empty is beautiful, and I want
so dearly to feel beautiful
calories scattered on the floor, like the
those scattered thoughts of everything
I used to be
and everything I am now
scatterbrain, tell me how you feel
when your insides are void of
self-love
you eat hatred for breakfast
and spit self-pity into your toilet
tell me again, silly girl,
do you feel beautiful now?

Letting the vibrations be carried upon the breeze
While the moon bathed the hushed twilight in her soft glow

I spoke
The plateu's grasses and mesquite
Bending to carry my words
Across the miniscule miles that seperate us
The nighttime creatures deftly run towards you
Carrying my message

I spoke
Now I wait for the words in return
For the grasses to bend towards me
Carrying your words I long to hear

I spoke


            i       need      you   
 
The night land creatures scurry to my feet
The Hush twilight speaks

                  *i            am           yours

A Scarlet Letter
or something
less obvious
A mark against you
that you know
they will notice
and they will
condemn you.

I could never hide in shadows
Lurking and lingering
A wall flower
I could never blend in with the crowd
I could never wait for my moment
My mind says my moment is now
And if I fail
I could never be unhappy that I tried

I could never hide my anger
Seething and boiling
A volcano
I could never keep from erupting
I could never count backwards from ten
My mind says I've been wronged
So be wrong
I could never accept the damage done

I could never hide my hope
Growing and calling
A spring flower
I could never help but reach for the sun
I could never accept that this is all there is
My mind says something more
And I reach for more
I could never have my life be any other way

I could never hide my love
Sweet and binding
A summers morning
I could never keep from singing louder than the birds
I could never keep from you
My mind says my love will save you
I dont know if it can
I could never believe that it can't

In dreams we dance,
under a sweet pastel sky,
where the sun sets the mountains ablaze.
And the birds long to nest,
but are loathe to leave,
and the broken buds
and the beautiful souls
are carried on an eternal wind.
And the feathers that fall
are white.

We have music in our souls
I have a torch I carry
A guiding light
So that I may find you
We have pain from lives before
And a belief
That when our heart stops
So do we

I had that dream last night
The same one as always
That I could fly to where you are
And hold you in my arms
While you smile in my eyes
And I live in yours
The clouds start to break
As warm rain
And we start to dance
Our naked bodies
Feeling
Only pleasure

We have music in our ears
Words only
In a melody
That means everything
I have a light I have to keep
To shine the way
And even clouds of grey
Make us lose our love of black

I had that dream last night
The one I told you about
Where we were dancing naked
In the rain
We danced the pain away
And retired to a peaceful place
Where the light was all we saw
And I slept with you
In a bed of feathers
Our bodies entwined
Becoming one
That our heartbeats become
Forever